A Letter to Bridal Stores & Treatment of Bridesmaids

Dear Bridal Stores & Your Consultants,

Bridesmaids are people too. People with legitimate feelings towards what they are about to purchase. Is it going to be the bride's day? Sure. However, don't treat us like we are terrible human beings if we choose to make comments about dresses we'd really rather not wear. We aren't (always) trying to be b*tchy about it.

For instance, there was that time I was trying on dresses for a winter wedding. The bride kept picking short, thin dresses. One dress in particular I despised. Just despised. Rather than making a mean comment about how much I hated the dress, I tried other ways of convincing the bride it was the wrong dress. I was making headway with a long dress, when the consultant said "That dress isn't going to keep you any warmer than the other one, and the bride likes it better," with this wonderfully snooty voice. It was all I could do to not fly at her screaming, "If it covers my legs, it at least hides the goosebumps."

Or that time that the bridal consultant yelled my (four sizes smaller than the bride and maid of honor) dress size for the entire store to hear. With 2 of my fellow bridesmaids and bride to hear. You know what brides don't want to be reminded of? That one of their bridesmaids is smaller than they are.

Or that time the alterations person told me that in future weddings, I should suggest to the bride that she choose an "A-line" dress because the one I had purchased and was attempting to get altered was going to cost more in alterations than the dress cost. It was the same store that suggested I not push my luck on a bridesmaid dress just because I wanted a long one because it was winter.

I've been watching "Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids." While I will agree that there are some pretty awful bridesmaids that have been on that show, their treatment of bridesmaids hasn't been spectacular either. Saying "Pay up and shut up," is not appropriate. We get that we probably aren't going to get to pick a dress we want to wear again. But if we are being reasonable (like arguing over going over budget), don't act like we are monsters.

At some point, most of these bridesmaids are probably going to get married themselves. I can already tell you, there's one store I will not be looking at for my future wedding gown, based on their treatment of me as a bridesmaid. If it's possible, they won't even get my bridesmaid's business either.

Sincerely,

An Angry Bridesmaid

EDIT (5/4/2012): I totally forgot about the bridal consultant who mocked my height (or lack thereof)! Consultant: "Well, I guess it's a good thing that you're the one trying on the dresses, since you're going to be the shortest bridesmaid!"
Me: "Actually, I'm not. Another bridesmaid is shorter. I haven't met the other one, so I'm not sure where I rank with her."
Consultant: "YOU'RE KIDDING!"

Bride-Bragging

I've been torn between whether I should brag about this one particular bride, or not share this story in attempts to avoid alienating other friends (and feeling obligated to do these things should the day arrive that I get engaged). Clearly, bragging has won out (but I should point out- I pick my friends well because they were all fantastic as brides). After all... she (and her parents/ friends) did go above and beyond for the bridesmaids, after she had a horrible experience as a bridesmaid a few months before becoming engaged.

Between graduate school, unemployment, and employment with a non-profit organization (oh- and all the other weddings I've been in), money has been tight. And this bride was familiar with my situation (which was similar to her other bridesmaids' situations). Not only did she choose a bridesmaid dress from the same place that she bought her dress (discount folks... discount), but her family also pitched in by sending the bridesmaids checks to alleviate some of the cost of the dress.

After arriving in town for the wedding (where the bride and her mom picked myself and another bridesmaid up at the airport so that we wouldn't have to rent a car/ drive around a very large, unfamiliar city), we immediately got treated to drinks at McDonalds (this was a theme of the weekend). We also enjoyed a concert (one of my favorite groups in the world) & unique-to-the-city experience.

Other ways this bride and her family went above and beyond for the bridesmaids? Hotel, manicures, bridesmaid lunch, all the diet coke a girl could ask for, food/ party after the wedding with their family and friends, and a 5am trip to the airport the day after the wedding. They had also introduced us to friends as they arrived at the hotel before the rehearsal, and since I only knew the bride and another bridesmaid, I asked one of those friends at the reception to hold my drink and MOH speech while I went to bustle the dress. I returned and that wonderful friend had even asked them to refill my drink!

Fellow bridesmaids, understand that this is not typical. This bride had been through such a terrible bridesmaid experience that she wanted us to have a much better time as bridesmaids than as she had previously. But I just had to brag on her, her family, and her friends a bit, because I've never been better treated as a bridesmaid.

What to do with that used bridesmaid dress?

So, the wedding(s) has(have) come and gone. What should you do with your used bridesmaid dress(es) now?

1. Shorten it and wear it again!! (I kid, I kid... although surely it has happened at one point? Legends have to start somewhere.)
2. Well, you never know. It might be a dress you can wear again without shortening it. If you're that lucky, congratulations.
3. After a google search, I found a suggestion to throw an annual party where everyone wears old bridesmaid dresses. I'm all for this idea.
4. Get Crafty had some great ideas for old wedding dresses, and some of these might double as decent bridesmaid options.
5. Save it for little girls to play dress up in. I know I tried to play with my mom's bridesmaid dresses when I was little... although her accessories were much easier to use for dress up (and we all know how fantastic 80s and 90s bridesmaid accessories were... costume jewelry, big flower headpieces, etc). 
6. Donate it to charity! DonateMyDress.org and other charities take donated dresses to give to girls who can't afford a fancy dress to wear to prom, or they sell them and the donations go to good causes. Do check the fine print, as many of these require cleaned dresses before donation. At least one in my area was run by a dry cleaner, so you didn't even have to get it cleaned before donating (the next time they run this promotion, I'm taking some in).
7. And my favorite suggestion of all, after googling: Wait until you have 27 of them and make all of your friends wear them in your wedding.

What to Bring to the Wedding

Go ahead and realize that you're going to likely forget something. Once you accept that, you're fine!

Here's my current checklist for next weekend's wedding:

• Dress (really, as long as you remember this, everything else can be purchased in the town of the wedding or borrowed)
• Shoes (If bride is requiring maids to wear the same shoes, read prior note)
• Jewelry (some brides will provide jewelry as a bridesmaid gift, but always have backup in case)
• Tissues (For the bride or you)
• Advil/ Tylenol (I shouldn't have to explain this one)
• Band-aids (important for blisters, random acts of clumsiness, and other accidents)
• Gift (acceptable to give it to the happy couple in advance too!)
• Makeup/ Hair tools (unless having these professionally done)

Surely I'm forgetting something here.

From Four Dresses to Five; Dress Discounts

I had to change my name here to "Five Dresses." That's right, I will be in wedding number five in April. You can't really turn down your college roommate though!
I will say, this is the third time I've been able to take advantage of discounts on the bridesmaid dress because the bride bought her dress at the same store. David's Bridal and Alfred Angelo definitely have this deal, I'm not sure about others. It ranges between $20 and $25 off, and as any bridesmaid knows, every little bit helps. The best part is, since they have the bride's information in the computer, you don't even have to tell them about the discount, because they should already know. In fact, at Alfred Angelo, I found out about the discount before the bride!

P.S. For those keeping track, dress #5 is marine blue, just like dress #2.

Dress Sizes & Alterations

I've got bridesmaid dress on the brain apparently. I took my latest dress to my grandma to hem (she's helped me with 3 of the 4), because, let's be honest. I'm only going to wear this dress once. There's no reason to spend a ridiculous amount of money on alterations when my grandma can do a good job for free.

Besides- how is is fair that bridal stores don't always keep samples in every size? In fact, while purchasing my most recent dress, the smallest size available was 4 sizes larger than the dress I purchased. Only twice have I been able to try on a dress in the proper size in the store.

I got lucky with the first dress- it was cocktail length and had straps, so I didn't really need to worry about alterations. Thank goodness, because the dress didn't even arrive until 2 weeks before the wedding... and I hadn't been able to try on the dress in the correct size at the store. This might end up being the only dress I will wear again... although it's been almost 2 years and I still haven't.

Second dress, not so lucky. Lucky in the fact that I got to try on the right size in the store. Unlucky in that the dress was very fitted and strapless... and I'd gained a few pounds. All of a sudden, the size I was in the wedding before was very very tight. And the next size up would have cost a fortune to alter, with the way the top half was fitted. After losing the weight, and purchasing fake Spanx just to make sure, the dress was still entirely too long. My grandma cut off about 3 inches from the hem, which was then used by the bride's mother to make the bride's garter (her "something blue"). As I can't get into the dress by myself due to hooks, and it can't be washed or dry-cleaned, I don't picture ever wearing this dress again.

Third dress really set me off. It was my third time purchasing from David's Bridal, so you'd think that I'd know what my size was. And yet, with the way this particular dress was made, I ended up having to purchase a dress two sizes larger than I had the previous dresses, and I hadn't even gained weight! And with purchasing a dress two sizes larger just to fit one part of my body, the other part of the dress was two sizes too large. When I picked up my dress, they had me try it on for alterations estimates, and the alterations were going to cost 150% the price of the dress. So, rather than have a fitted dress, I was able to be comfortable and breathe at the wedding. Yet again, my grandma had to cut significant portions of the bottom of the dress off, plus she had to cut off part of the straps to make it fit better. This dress is bright pink satin. I won't be wearing it again.

Fourth dress was short again, so no hemming necessary. This was my first non-David's Bridal dress. Now the issue was the straps again. Currently, the straps stick up an inch off my shoulder, which probably isn't how the dress is supposed to look. So, my grandma is now fixing that part of the dress now. There is a small chance it can be worn again.

What I've learned about bridesmaid dresses: No matter what the bride says, you're probably not going to wear it again. I've come to take it as a joke if they say, "You can just shorten it and wear it again!" Most importantly, it's the bride's day, and if they want me to wear even the most ridiculous dress that day, I'll do it. But, I've learned that it's not worth it to push yourself to fit into a smaller dress (unless it's really your only option, like dress #2). Why work nonstop to fit into a dress you'll wear for a few hours? And, if you have a family member or friend willing to do the alterations, save yourself the money. And that's what I've learned.

Getting the Dress from Point A to Point B

Now onto the real motivation for starting this blog... the Bridesmaid dress. There will be many, many posts dedicated to this issue. However, this is my first time with this particular issue... how do I get my dress to the wedding, if I have to fly there?

Oh sure. It's so easy to be a bridesmaid if it's in the town that you live. Or if you can drive there. But this isn't always an option.

So I did some internet research, which basically led me to the answer, "Well, it depends on the airlines." So, I found the "Contact Us" page on my airline's website, and sent them a note the other day. First off, I have to applaud them, because they answered my question in about 24 hours (it could have taken up to 5 business days).

Unfortunately for me (and my satin bridesmaid dress), they can't hang it for me (like some airlines can... supposedly).

"When you are traveling with your bridesmaids dress as a carryon item, it must be stored in one of the overhead bins. Any time our Customers carry on items (especially items as precious as a bridesmaids dress), we advise them to do so with caution since items may shift while inflight and damage may result (carryon items are excluded from our liability per our Contract of Carriage). If at all possible, you should wait for all Customers to stow their carryon items and then place the dress on top of the other items in the overhead bin compartment. Please also feel free to ask a Flight Attendant for assistance."

So, it's something to keep in mind, fellow bridesmaids. Contact your airlines as soon as possible, or deal with packing it and steaming it. I highly recommend driving, or really pushing for a bridesmaid dress that won't show wrinkles (cue laughter now).