That Awkward Moment When You Don't Know Anyone At A Wedding

I now see the true benefit of having a date to a wedding... when you aren't a bridesmaid. I still maintain that bridesmaids don't HAVE to bring a date just for fun (multiple people agree with me on this one now).

Yesterday, I had the fun of attending a wedding of a college friend (and fellow bridesmaid in a previous wedding- the bride from that wedding was a bridesmaid this time around). And short of the bridesmaid and the bride, I knew NO ONE. Luckily, I'd been invited to all the pre-wedding events, and was briefly introduced to the fiancé of another bridesmaid. When chauffeuring my bridesmaid friend to get her hair done, we started discussing cocktail hour... and how I wouldn't know anyone. Luckily, I remembered that the fiancé of the one bridesmaid would also be in the same situation... and we'd likely be the only ones in that situation. So I told my friend that I'd just go search for him and try to hang out with him during that time.

It worked! I walked over to him, introduced myself, and explained the situation. He chuckled, and we started talking. Turns out, this whole terrible job economy is a great topic for a current grad student/ recent grad school graduate still struggling to find *real* jobs. Who'd have thunk it? His fiancée came running down at one point of the cocktail hour to get the bride some food, and was really glad that I'd come over to talk with him.

I lucked out (well, I think it's lucking out in this situation), and there wasn't a seating chart for the reception, so we found the only open table and saved seats for my friend the bridesmaid and his fiancée, while continuing to chat.

So my tip to you if you're going single (or just plain aren't given a plus one) to a wedding that you aren't in and only know the happy couple and members of the bridal party? Hunt down people in similar situations as you. It works. Trust me.

(coming soon- when mad bridesmaid skills save the day)

The Pros & Cons of the Wedding Time

5 weddings as a bridesmaid later, I've got mixed feelings about the best time to be in a wedding. They all have their benefits... and downsides. Of course, bridesmaids don't get to pick the hour, but at least you can be prepared before headed to the wedding. (Word of warning- the latest wedding I've been in was at 4:30pm, so that's where I stop offering suggestions). Please note- I understand that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you're giving up your day to celebrate with the bride and groom.

The Morning Wedding:
Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (and if the photographer is happy, the bridesmaids get better looking pictures)
• You should have time to do things after the wedding is over, because the reception won't last until the wee hours (seriously- what bride and groom would want to pay for a 12 hour reception?)
• Less formal.

Cons:

• Do you have any idea how early you have to wake up for a morning wedding? I had to wake the bride up at 4:30am for her 10:30am wedding, since her hairdresser was arriving at 5:30am. One of the photographers got a great picture of me at the hotel after I finished getting ready around 7am... but I don't remember it being taken (AT ALL).
• Being tired makes getting ready that much more difficult. Curling irons and 6am don't mix folks. Neither does mascara. Seriously- morning weddings= early wake-up times.

Recommendations:

• Get an early night's sleep for this one. And if you have insomnia issues like I do, take an Advil PM or something like that.
• Drink caffeine that morning.

The Early Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• You might be lucky enough to sleep in a bit more. Or not, if you have an 8am appointment with a hairdresser.
• You have more time to wake up.

Cons:

• You're spending all day with this wedding, or else the reception is incredibly short (early afternoon makes for awkward reception times). Go ahead and prepare yourself. (My one early afternoon wedding lasted from 8am- 11pm).

Recommendations:

• Be ready to smile all day.

The Late Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (depending on the season)
• You might have time to do stuff that morning, depending on the bride's schedule.
• More formal (less formal/ more formal of course being on what your preference is)
• You probably won't have to be up at the crack of dawn for this wedding. Unless you're friends with Bridezilla (I've been lucky).

Cons:

• You're going to spend most of the day with this wedding, unless the reception is incredibly short.

Recommendations:

• Although you probably get to sleep in some, still make sure you get a good night's rest. It could be a long night.

Believe it or not, for all my cons about the early morning, I think I liked the morning wedding the best. Less time to stress out over things (there's always time to stress over certain details), and there's time to take a nap after the reception before doing other things that night.

On being a professional bridesmaid

I should start off this post by pointing out that I know there are people who have been in more weddings than I have, and that I probably still have a few weddings before my tenure as "professional bridesmaid" is up. That being said...

I've jokingly referred to myself as a professional bridesmaid, but at wedding #5, after a guest/ close friend of the bride's family found out that it was my 5th wedding, she and others started referring to me as such. When it came time to do anything, "Where's the professional bridesmaid? She knows what to do." This wedding is when I realized that with that title, you've got to be prepared for ANYTHING.

What it takes to be a "professional bridesmaid" (even The Knot couldn't prepare me for this):

• You've got the essentials: Advil, bandaids, lotion, needle & thread
• You know what to do in a crisis (i.e., the bride doesn't have "something blue," and you figure out that you have straps that you aren't using on your blue dress with you, which can be safety pinned to the inside of her dress)
• You know to get caffeine before the wedding (Sonic happy hour in this particular instance)
• You know how to paint nails, and manage to get the other bridesmaids and yourself in record time
• You know how to zip the bride into the dress, if it requires specific maneuvering/ bride not breathing while it's being zipped
• The minister goes to you while the bride & groom are taking group pictures, because things were left behind
• You know how to bustle the dress, without requiring safety pins to show you where the loops are
• The catering staff comes to you at the reception to ask if you managed to figure out how to get music to play, since you'd already been by to bug them when they didn't have the hookup like had been promised by someone else
• You can come up with a reception playlist on the day of the rehearsal, when other reception options fall through
• When there's an undesirable bridesmaid job, you get pushed to do it (unless you figure out an alternative)

Makes me wonder why I didn't go into wedding planning as a career choice. Maybe I should start my own business... "Rent a Bridesmaid." I'll be there with Advil, lotion, drinks, and get everyone down the aisle and into the reception with everything ready to go.

What to do with that used bridesmaid dress?

So, the wedding(s) has(have) come and gone. What should you do with your used bridesmaid dress(es) now?

1. Shorten it and wear it again!! (I kid, I kid... although surely it has happened at one point? Legends have to start somewhere.)
2. Well, you never know. It might be a dress you can wear again without shortening it. If you're that lucky, congratulations.
3. After a google search, I found a suggestion to throw an annual party where everyone wears old bridesmaid dresses. I'm all for this idea.
4. Get Crafty had some great ideas for old wedding dresses, and some of these might double as decent bridesmaid options.
5. Save it for little girls to play dress up in. I know I tried to play with my mom's bridesmaid dresses when I was little... although her accessories were much easier to use for dress up (and we all know how fantastic 80s and 90s bridesmaid accessories were... costume jewelry, big flower headpieces, etc). 
6. Donate it to charity! DonateMyDress.org and other charities take donated dresses to give to girls who can't afford a fancy dress to wear to prom, or they sell them and the donations go to good causes. Do check the fine print, as many of these require cleaned dresses before donation. At least one in my area was run by a dry cleaner, so you didn't even have to get it cleaned before donating (the next time they run this promotion, I'm taking some in).
7. And my favorite suggestion of all, after googling: Wait until you have 27 of them and make all of your friends wear them in your wedding.

Wedding Tales & Horrors, Pt. 1

And now the story of the "nasty lady..." and what can be done to bring down the stress level.

(As this blog is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, I will leave out all names and other qualifiers.)

It never fails. Someone will make the stress level on the wedding day incredibly high. Could be the bride, could be the mother of the bride, could be a bridesmaid, could be groom or groomsman, or it could be an outside force. Or, you know... several outside forces. This is the story of one such outside force.

Wedding coordinators at churches serve an important role. They open up the church for the wedding, they explain the do's and don'ts, and in a perfect world, they don't stress out the bride. Well, this particular wedding coordinator started heaping on the stress the second we walked in the door for the rehearsal, and no joke, didn't stop until we were in the cars ready to leave for the reception. 

The person who had been coordinating the wedding before for whatever reason was no longer helping out with this wedding, and clearly left NO information for this new coordinator. The bride and bridesmaids arrived 20 minutes early, since it was made very clear that we were to be there at 5pm sharp since they had another rehearsal starting at 6pm (now, come on. You can't start the second rehearsal at 6:30?) Well, the coordinator immediately starts, trying to figure out who the bride is, who the maid of honor is (to sign the registry and special booklet). And then the real flustering begins. "Where's the groom?" ("Um, he's on his way... traffic is really bad.") "Where's the groomsmen?" ("Um, lady, do you see any men here? Do we look like we know where they are?" is what we wanted to say.) and our personal favorite, "Where are the readers?" ("Their flight got delayed, and then traffic, so they will be here as soon as possible.") With each new person walking into the church, we heard "Are you my readers?" (while the bride kept saying, "No, I will let you know when they arrive."- she didn't listen though). Then we get rushed through the entire ceremony, with nasty quips made by her when we didn't respond properly (hello, it's a rehearsal. You have to let us know if you expect a real response). Then she looked at her watch and realized that it was only 5:30... and what do you know, we have time for a second run-through, despite people being "late." 

Then the day of the wedding, more stress from the coordinator. First she's flustery about getting the flowers to the guys, then about getting the flowers to the grandparents. Well, it turns out that the flower shop got the order wrong or something, and didn't provide enough wrist corsages for everyone who was supposed to get one. So the bride decided to give the grandmothers a pinned rose, and save the wrist corsages for the mothers and her readers. Believe it or not, the coordinator had the nerve to fight the bride about this, likely because she didn't want to have to pin the flowers on the grandmothers. She left with a very loud huff. I only wish I was exaggerating. Then she tried to get us to head over to the church 10 minutes before the wedding was due to start... so we may have sent some people to the bathroom and formed a circle to pray (and have yoga breaths to extend it looking like we were praying so that she would leave us alone). If only that had stopped the rudeness, but no.

Then it comes time to walk down the aisle... and she sends the first bridesmaid through. The bridesmaid wasn't even to the second pew when she tried to send the second bridesmaid through. That bridesmaid ignored her the first few times she said "Go!" and then finally said "I'm trying to give her a little more space," then walked. I get to her, and she tells me to go and the photographer is still taking the bridesmaid in front of me's picture. So I explain that to her and she's definitely getting mad. I finally started walking when the photographer looked ready, and I could hear the rude woman say, "They're going too slow!" Like it matters to you!?!?! Anyways, it didn't stop just there. We got the nasty rudeness until we left. 

So what do you do if outside forces cause problems to a wedding you're in? Draw attention elsewhere. Let the bride (and everyone) vent as much as needed, then get it back to happy moments (Yay, the bride is getting married! Even if there are nasty people to deal with, she still will get married!) Pray... and/or take deep breaths. Give hugs. Be supportive. Make funny faces at the stress source when they aren't looking (I never said all of these suggestions were mature). And if you're really brave? Go talk to the person. I wasn't brave enough, because I was worried about making the situation worse, which is definitely something to consider. 

Coming soon: I'm going to brag about wedding photographers and how they save the day. It's not bridesmaidy, but they are super important (besides, if you treat them poorly, they don't have to delete the pictures that make you look really bad!)