Wedding Tales & Horrors, Pt. 3

Well, I'd promised to share my story about why bachelorette parties and I don't have good track records. There was that time that I wrecked my car... and then this wedding happened.

See, I was the maid of honor. And it was my duty to plan this bachelorette party. I'd offered to rent a cabin, but as the bride lived way far away, planning a good time just wasn't going to work. That and the fact that I was a poor grad student who was going to have to beg for money to pay for that (or even my share of it). Anyways, the bride and I started to plan the party to be about going out for a nice dinner with friends and then getting a hotel suite to celebrate her impending wedding... the Wednesday night before her wedding. And then I graduated less than a month before the wedding, and miraculously got a job interview. Of course... there's a catch. The interview dates fell on Thursday or Friday, with the wedding happening on Saturday, and the interview was 3 hours away. But I was lucky! I'd previously worked for this organization and was able to explain my situation (and explained nicely that the bride would kill me if I missed the rehearsal on Friday). They kindly offered me the 8:30 am interview slot on Thursday, so that I could still fulfill my bridesmaid duties. I explained this to the bride, and we finally worked out a deal to go out Thursday night instead, and skip the hotel (after a brief moment where there was a suggestion for me to leave for my interview at 4am after partying the night before- then everyone realized what a terrible idea that might be).

And then the week of the wedding happened. And the meteorologists decided to have fun predicting bad weather (snow- in an area that doesn't know how to handle snow). So much so that the organization I was interviewing with asked if I felt safe enough to drive, since they knew I was coming from 3 hours away.

Me: "Sure! I'll be borrowing my dad's all-wheel drive, and I'm crashing with my old roommate the night before, so it's not a big deal."

Work: "Well, ok. We feel better knowing that you have the first interview anyways."

Made it to the interview and out with no weather issues. Make it to my old roommate's house to change out of interview clothes, still no weather issues. I don't even make it to the end of her street, and the snow starts coming down. No big deal, it's not sticking. We're going to be fine. Make it halfway home, and it starts to stick. Hmm. And I'm starting to feel TERRIBLE. Well, this is going to be a fun drive.

I make it to my hometown, and it's clearly just beginning to stick there. And on the radio, they announce that school is being cancelled for the rest of the afternoon.

Folks, my town doesn't do snow plows. Nor do they do much salt. See- I live in the South... and it's hilly around here. What do we know about snow? And how do you get a plow up some of these hills?

I make it home just fine, and then I look out the window and it's covering the roads. People attending the bachelorette party start calling me, asking what the plan is. Hmm. Well... maybe it will stop snowing soon enough.

I don't know if you've ever noticed, but when you don't want it to snow, it snows enough to ruin plans. When you pray for the snow, it doesn't happen, or hits the town next to you but skips your town. Naturally, it continued to snow, and after hearing reports of people's commutes taking 2-3x the normal amount, and the bride wants to go downtown to eat (20-30 minutes on a good day), there starts to be even more hesitation to continue with the party from the guests (the bride, understandably, wants the party to go on). One bridesmaid calls me, tells me her horrific account of her commute home, and says that there's no way she can make it back out. And if we go out, for us to be safe.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I started feeling terrible on my drive home from my interview, and at this point, I didn't feel much better. And with all the hassle of the weather, I was really uneasy about going out. When the meteorologists beg for people to get home and stay home, I listen. And that's exactly what they were telling us.

I was supposed to drive and be the DD for the evening (MOH duties, when you don't want to pay for limo/ taxi)... but then I couldn't even get out of my own driveway safely. And let's just remember the time before, when I had a car wreck due to bad weather for a different bachelorette party. So the bride's father gets roped into driving for the evening, and they offer to pick me up. And they can't even make it to my neighborhood. So the suggestion is made that I walk out of my neighborhood to meet them (about 1/3-1/2 of a mile, all downhill). But then I point out that it's going to be worse upon return, and there's no way I can climb uphill if it's worse. So the bride suggests that I spend the night at her parents' house. Ok, that works... but now I have to bring everything I need for an overnight, and we're getting nails done and have the bridesmaid luncheon before I can return home again. And I have to bring this all downhill on icy, snowy streets? I could see the broken leg, and I had TERRIBLE health insurance (I refer to it as my "got hit by a bus and it was my fault" insurance), and that just makes you cringe even more. I apologized profusely, but had to back out of the bachelorette party I had planned. And then I felt relieved, because it gave me a night to feel better, before the rehearsal and wedding. And relax, after having been through a job interview that morning!

It was a comedy of errors the whole way through. Only 4 or 5 people were able to show up to the bachelorette party, sadly enough. And the restaurant closed early, due to the weather. The bride did have fun, thankfully, and enjoyed the snowy backdrop for her wedding two days later.

The lesson: Job searching and bridesmaid duties don't mesh well. Neither does weather and bridesmaid duties. I've got no solutions though.

The Ask

After reading other bridesmaid blogs and seeing cookies/ cards for sale for brides-to-be to ask bridesmaids to be in their wedding, it made me think of all the ways I've been asked. Never with baked goods, that's for sure.

These are out of order, as I don't want to embarrass anyone.

• A few days after finding out about one bride's engagement, she called me up on the phone to ask (we lived several hours apart)
• Shortly after her engagement, the bride walked across the hallway (she was my roommate at the time) to ask me.
• She asked me hypothetically. I told her I wouldn't mind being in her wedding, as long as that's the role she wanted me to play (there was another option), so she said she had to think about it. Then when I was helping her with part of the wedding planning, someone asked if I was a bridesmaid and I looked at her funny when she said "Yes." She asked what was wrong, and I decided to let it go. She probably didn't realize that she hadn't officially asked me.
• A few days after finding out about the bride's engagement, she and her fiance showed up at my house to say hi and to ask me (she wanted to do it in person since she wanted me to be the MOH)
• We set a phone date (and rescheduled a few times) after her engagement. She asked, and I had to wait until I had a job, as being a bridesmaid costs money (especially if you have to travel), and I was unemployed. Thank goodness her wedding was a year away, and I officially accepted about 3 months after she asked (I really don't recommend doing this to anyone- I just didn't have much of a choice).

I'm undecided about what's the best option. Clearly it's not always feasible to ask everyone in person, though I do believe it is the nicest way when it is possible (ie- you live in the same town. If not, phone is totally fine).

Dispelling Bridesmaid Hollywood Myths

I've come to the conclusion that if wedding movies/ TV episodes are to be trusted with the slightest grain of salt (I choose to believe that in order for it to make it to scripts, someone has at least CONSIDERED doing those things before), why on earth would there ever be a bridal party? Brides would be worried about losing a groom (either to a massive bachelor party or to a bridesmaid), 

Let's consider some pretty typical bridesmaid-related myths that are perpetuated in Hollywood.

1. Bridesmaid falls in love with the groom/ is ex-girlfriend of the groom/ has been in love with the groom but best friend caught his eye first. Seriously girls. How does it get to the wedding stage before someone spills the beans that you're in love with the groom? Err... or maybe my friends are just gossips. But seriously- if you like a guy that much, how has no one bothered to tell your friend this? And how on earth is it that the groom magically loves you too, it just took getting to the altar with the wrong person? And if it's vice versa and it's a groomsman who is in love with the bride, well... dude, you probably just waited too long to realize it.
2. Groomsmen (or single male guests) want to hook up with bridesmaids. So, I've now been in MULTIPLE weddings where none of the groomsmen were single. I've even been to one wedding (and it wasn't a small one) where the only single males in attendance were related to me. This one is perpetuated so often that I keep assuming that at some point, with the number of weddings I've been in/ been invited to that I'll meet some nice guy (even if his intentions aren't the best), but so far, nothing. Heck- I couldn't even get the bride's 3-year-old cousin or a friend's 4-year-old to dance with me when I was a maid of honor (but I did run up to the best man and tell him that since I'd been shot down by both of them, that he'd have to dance with me, and it worked). But in my experience, no one cares about meeting bridesmaids, no matter what the intentions are.
3. Bridesmaids are vindictive. Want proof? There's a made for TV movie called Revenge of the Bridesmaids. But that goes back to point number 1. Isn't there a better way to get revenge than buying a dress (which always seems to be hideous in those movies) that you'll never wear again? Can't you dismantle a wedding without being in it? I've not been in a single wedding that someone is vindictive and sets about destroying the wedding from within. Or outside for that matter.
4. One bridesmaid always thinks she should have been Maid of Honor and wants to prove that point. I've been Maid of Honor three times now. If you want that job, take it. I have no problem with giving the position my all (and it's an honor), but if it comes down to someone fighting for the job, let them take it. I shake while giving the speech, one time I forgot to remind the bride to take her flowers at the end of the ceremony, and one time my mom was convinced my dress would split while I was trying to adjust the bride's train. If someone else wants the job, take it. My nerves (and dress seams) will thank you.

Anyone have any other bridesmaid Hollywood myths? Because really, we get the short end of the stick in movies. Either we get no attention paid to us, or we're causing problems. Of course, without either of these, there's no real story to tell, I guess.

Royal Wedding MOH Pros & Cons

Yes- I was one of those crazy people who woke up at 4am to watch Kate Middleton marry Prince William (I had the day off to fulfill bridesmaid duties... more about that wedding in the future). But rather than share all my views about that, I'll stick with the point of this blog... being a bridesmaid. And let me just say, I was so jealous of Pippa Middleton's maid of honor dress. It was gorgeous. So I was thinking... what must it be like to be Kate's MOH?

Pros & Cons to being Kate's maid of honor:

• Pro: Kate has great style. So your MOH dress wasn't going to be bad.
• Con: 2 billion people are watching you fulfill your maid of honor duties.
• Pro: Prince Harry (Best Man) has a sense of humor- so having to leave the church with him will be fun, rather than awkward. 
• Con: It's a royal wedding, so that train is going to be longer than most. Lots of tweaking here and there to make it perfect, since about 2 billion people watched the wedding... they'll know if you don't get it just right.
• Pro: Meeting the Queen.
• Con: If there happens to be any sibling rivalry, well, Kate just jumped ahead.
• Pro: Two receptions... so you get to change dresses! 
• Con: The "small" reception was the one with 300 people.

The Knot... and why you can't believe everything it says.

While writing my maid of honor speech is still causing me issues, I figured I'd write another blog entry here.

While fretting about my first go as MOH, I turned to The Knot to see what my responsibilities were. After visiting their Bridesmaid site, I realized it was better to just see what the bride needed me to do... which is what I recommend to you all.

First off, The Knot is clearly meant for brides. Yes, this should have been more obvious to me, but I figured that the bridesmaid page would be safe grounds. And they do offer some good advice, don't get me wrong.

But then some of the advice they offer includes 10 Ways To Lend the Bride A Hand. I forgot that I'd seen it, and was tricked into looking at it a few times before I could remember that it was silly. Sure- everything on the list sounds great, but when you're a graduate student with limited funds (even more limited after the purchase of a dress, wedding present, wedding shower present, etc), you realize that the list is a little ridiculous. Especially when you don't live in the same town or state as the bride (as it has happened a majority of the weddings I've been in). You want to know how you can lend a hand to the bride? ASK HER what she wants you to do. Plain and simple. Because the bride will more than likely have an idea of what she wants you to do anyways (and that is not meant as an insult- what girl doesn't have some sort of idea how she wants her wedding to look?)

These responsibilities can include: going with her as she tries on gowns, going with her to try on bridesmaid dresses (at one point, I'm fairly certain I'd tried on every dress at David's Bridal between all the weddings I'd been in), going with the bride to look at flowers, helping with the out-of-town guest goodie bags, working on programs, planning wedding showers/ bachelorette parties, helping with seating arrangements, etc. Not every bride is going to have the same needs.

Which is why I repeat my earlier statement- ask the bride what SHE wants you to do... don't rely on The Knot to tell you your responsibilities.

The MOH Speech

So you've been named Maid of Honor... do you know what your responsibilities entail? (No, I'm being serious. This changes for each bride, so figure out what you are responsible for before the bride gets upset that you aren't helping).
One common requirement for Maid of Honor is the speech/ toast (provided typically at the reception, typically when the Best Man shares a speech as well). The difficult thing is figuring out what to say. I'm currently struggling through writing my second speech, and would really not like to have it put off as long as it took me for my first one.
Now, most MOH speeches are sweet and fluffy, while the best men get to make all the funny jokes/ be a little crazier. This doesn't have to be the case though. My first time being Maid of Honor, the Best Man ended up having the sweet & sentimental speech. My speech, on the other hand, recalled an English assignment from 7th grade (the year I became best friends with the bride), in which half of the grade had to write single's ads and then everyone was given a copy. Yes- I read the bride's 7th grade version of a single's ad to the entire reception, which had everyone laughing.
I got lucky. I save stupid assignments like that. And at 11pm, after attending the rehearsal dinner, I still had NO IDEA what I was going to say to a room full of people that resembled a well-thought-out speech. And then I needed something in my closet and voila, 7th grade assignment fell off of my shelf. It was an 11th hour miracle, for sure.
Not quite so lucky this time around. I want to share something funny like that, but I didn't meet this bride until college. So no silly middle school stories (really, those are the most embarrassing). I could share the moment she compared me to Britney Spears (I think this was before the head-shaving incident, thankfully)... or I could share the moment she was willing to "sacrifice my dignity" for the good of the school. Or daring each other to convince professors to join Facebook. I could share that her fiancé's only worry about our bachelorette trip was that she was going to meet Prince Charming (yeah, we went to Disney). Or I could just talk about Disney in general (a mutual love of ours).
Or, I could share more sentimental moments this time around. If I could only think of any off the top of my head. So many moments of our friendship have been laughing that it's hard to remember anything like that.
The point: the Maid of Honor speech should mean something to you. Make it personal, whether it's funny or sweet. Because she picked you for the position because of your friendship, not to hear something that anyone else could have said.

I've got less than 2 months to figure out what to say... fingers crossed it doesn't take another 11th hour miracle!

Tales of a Perpetual Bridesmaid

I am about to be in my 6th wedding in a few months. We have to go WAYYYYY back to 1992 for my first, when I was flower girl in my uncle's wedding. And then I served punch at my cousin's wedding (I got a corsage, so it counts for something) in 1998. Then I was a bridesmaid in 2009, then was maid of honor and bridesmaid in two weddings in 2010, and now maid of honor again in 2011. And to top it all off, in the weddings I was bridesmaid/ MOH, 3 of the 4 dresses have been pink.
That being said, I've learned a lot from these weddings. And I figured I'd share some of what I've learned, since it's taken me this long to figure out what roles I'm supposed to be doing and when! Please feel free to comment along the way.