Wedding Shower gift suggestion

So, I was supposed to attend a wedding shower (my first in over a year) today, but winter decided to pick this weekend to magically appear, so it wasn't quite safe to drive 3 hours there, when it's already not the best drive in the world in good conditions. But I digress.

Wedding showers always send me in a tizzy, even when I'm not worrying about weather, and driving there and back, and whatnot. I hate registries. Sorry bride friends, but I do. I never get to them in time to get the decent stuff, so I'm stuck buying the random kitchen or bath stuff that got left behind. So in the past few years, I've stopped dealing with registries.

2 years ago, one of my best friends got married. I was a poor grad student at the time (as opposed to the poor part-time nanny that I am now), and definitely couldn't afford anything good on the registry, especially knowing that I was the maid of honor and was going to have at least one more shower and bachelorette and dress and everything else to pay for. Which led me to this idea... Her wedding theme was "Live, Laugh, Love." And she loves the beach. So on my summer beach trip, I wrote out the theme, the wedding date, and the bride and groom's names in the sand and took pictures of each. Then I bought a 5 picture frame from IKEA (aka- cheap and chic) and printed the pictures. Surprise! It was the HIT of the shower, and most original gift by far. I think it cost me $25 max.

This time around, I'm serving as the photographer. I picked my favorite images, and bought them a similar IKEA frame. (I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that she doesn't know about this blog, since it could be several weeks before I get the present to her).

Not great with photography? Get them a gift card to Shutterfly, Snapfish, etc, to go with a nice frame. That way, they can pick out their favorites.

Stuff Brides Say

It's been awhile. For this, I apologize! Between the holidays, two deaths in my family the week of Christmas, and life in general, I haven't wanted to think about weddings (and since I'm not currently with any bridesmaid responsibilities, I'm going to allow myself that break).

There's this video on YouTube that I saw that inspired me though:

In the video (a recap in case you didn't watch, or haven't lately), the bride says multiple times "I just wanted you to be the first to know!"

Now wait. Hold on. Do what now?

I've been asked to be in five weddings, and maid of honor for three. In two of those cases, I knew that the groom was proposing before the bride knew (though only one of those did I know the actual day that the proposal was happening). Do you know how many times I heard "I just wanted you to be the first to know!"?

Zero. Zero times.

In fact, none of the brides called me (at least not as the first form of communication). I got 3 text messages (pretty sure they were mass texts too), one in person, and one, I found out on Facebook.

Do you know who was probably the first person to get the phone calls? Their parents. And you know what? That's how it should be. I'd probably think less of my friends if I was their first call.

Now that that little soapbox is out of the way... the rest of the video is hilarious. And not really like any of the brides I knew. I'll consider myself lucky, I guess!

If I were to make a "Stuff Brides Say" based on my experiences...

"You can wear that dress again." (oh that's right.)

"I like this dress for you. No... wait. This one. That's really the one. Or..."

"I'm not a bridezilla."

[morning of the wedding] "I just want this day to be over with."

"The wedding is more about the guests than me."

Anyone got any brideisms that aren't in the video or on my list?

Mad Bridesmaid Skills To the Rescue

I haven't been a bridesmaid since... April. For 3 years, I'd had weddings to prepare for... and now... nothing. Well... other than to be wedding photographer in March, but that just doesn't even count.

Which might be why I was so willing to agree to anything that a recent bride asked me to do (which, yes, was mainly photography related, but still- my title in the program was "Special Bride's Attendant," not photographer). And then it happened. Quite possibly every bride and groom's worst nightmare, short of someone taking the "Speak now or forever hold your peace" line seriously.

This particular bride and groom found out during picture taking time (you know, between the ceremony and reception?) that their flight from home connecting them to their honeymoon was canceled, and since they were going on a cruise that next day, that was a VITAL flight for them to catch.

But wait... it hasn't gotten bad enough yet.

They got pushed onto a later flight that should still have gotten them to their honeymoon on time. And disaster struck again. While in the air, the pilot (or whoever) discovered that something was wrong with the plane mechanically and they had to turn around and return here to get it fixed. So, they ran into the bridesmaid that I'd chauffeured around all weekend, including having just dropped her off at the airport. That bridesmaid texted me to tell me of their continued troubles with flights, and I did what any good bridesmaid (regardless of if I was a bridesmaid this time around or not) would do... I found an expert. I told my mom what the trouble was with their flights, and she immediately pulls out her computer and finds them a flight that will get them to their destination in what we hope will be enough time for them to get on the cruise. And here comes the other important bridesmaid skills... recalling how attached to her phone the bride was the day before. OF COURSE she'll have it on and attached to her. And luckily I had her number to text her this information.

Unfortunately, since this new flight wasn't with their same airline, they had to pay for it out of pocket (I'm still holding out hope they could get their previous money back since they had 2 flights canceled), but they not only made it to the destination on time, but actually 20 minutes early!! And caught their bus from the airport to the port in time and had, what I assume to be, an excellent time on their cruise.

(I should also point out that several other people had been calling the cruise line and others to explain the situation, to see what options there were, so I wasn't the only person helping out here.)

Sometimes having mad bridesmaid skills isn't about standing beside a bride on her wedding day, or even doing all of this by yourself, but knowing who to ask and how to get the information to the people who need it. And that, folks, is what a true bridesmaid does, even when she's not a bridesmaid.

That one time you can't show up to a wedding single...

Not long ago, I wrote an entry for bridesmaiding.com about being a single bridesmaid and why it's ok to not have a date at weddings, and it got posted last week. And then yesterday rolled around, and I found myself laughing/ stressing as I got put in a situation where I desperately need a date for a wedding I'm attending in about a month. I would argue though, that if I were a bridesmaid, I wouldn't feel the desperate need for a date as badly, as bridesmaid duties would keep me out of a lot of awkwardness.

Before yesterday, I probably would have argued about what entails requiring a date to a wedding if you haven't been seriously dating someone for a decent amount of time (weddings are awkward, folks. Spare the person you're dating from awkwardness early in the relationship). Naturally, I'm not even seeing anyone, regardless of how long. But here's the dealio: my invite didn't say "and guest," so I chose to not worry about needing one. Then the groom (one of my closest friends) informed me that he and the bride wanted to let me know that I was welcome to bring a friend or date along to the wedding because they didn't invite many people that I knew, and realized that they hadn't included a +1 option. Then he informed me that of the 4 people I'll know other than himself and the bride, two are bridesmaids, and two are... well... I'm refraining from calling these two males terrible names after they tried to "play" me. This requires great restraint, FYI.

So that typical wedding awkwardness that I talked about in my Bridesmaiding post? Yeah- multiply that by 1000 kinds of crazy, and you've got how I feel (and it's not even the day of the wedding yet. We've still got a month to go). And for some reason, the only answer is to drag someone into the crazy who at least has some knowledge of what they are getting into. Oh sure, I could bring along a girl friend, but that's only going to lead to other awkwardness. And then I remembered- I had introduced someone to part of the crazy recently. So I texted him with the situation (160 characters wasn't enough to explain this kind of crazy, so I'm proud that I managed in about 185-190), and begged "Want to help me through a whole lot of awkwardness?"

It also helps that the wedding is at our alma mater, and he's met the bride and groom, and has met at least one of the two likely to make me want to leave before I arrive.

Now I just need a kick-ass dress, make-up, shoes, and hair and a self-confidence boost, and I'll be all ready. I've got 3 weddings to attend in the course of one month, and this one kicks it off. Please let the other 2 weddings run smoother!

That one time I wasn't a bridesmaid, and why I can't work for that wedding consulting firm.

I haven't been in every wedding... or even invited to every wedding... even if it feels like it.

This one particular wedding that I'm thinking of belongs to my freshman roommate. I'm sure most people have at least one bad roommate story... so imagine a really, bad roommate story, multiply it by happening about once a month (if not more), and you've got my living situation. I won't share the bad roommate stories, because that's not the point of the blog, but basically, it was terrible living with her. And then I had a much better roommate (and was invited and IN her wedding).

Freshman roommate got engaged my senior year (thanks Facebook, for making it impossible to get away from her), and then married shortly after we graduated. Thanks to Facebook, I got to see her pictures. And there were several that made my jaw drop. And then caused some very impolite laughter.

That's right. These pictures, no matter how nice photographically, made me crack up. They are awful. The bride had a bridal portrait session that put her in the middle of a daisy field with her veil covering her face, and despite this, you can still tell that she has the strangest expression on her face. And by strange, I really mean "pained." The girl looked like she was in pain sitting there, even though I can tell she was really trying to look pretty.

Sure, shame on me for laughing at these pictures of her. And really shame on me for showing them to friends to see their reactions (similar to mine). But shame on those photographers for taking those pictures. They are AWFUL of her.

Anyways, it has been well over 2 years since I looked at her pictures. But during one of my brilliant "Hey, what if I looked into becoming a wedding planner?" moments, I discovered that the company I was researching had pictures of her wedding posted on their site... meaning that she must have used them.

Sure- they picked probably the 2 best pictures from the wedding (they are far away shots), but this is the same wedding firm that allowed some really stupid stuff (like the cake topper where the bride is dragging the groom by his jacket, while he's checking email on a computer). So, I guess I'll be looking at contacting other firms if I'm serious about this idea, but I think it's hilarious that her wedding pictures have popped back into my world in an unrelated way.

The Pros & Cons of the Wedding Time

5 weddings as a bridesmaid later, I've got mixed feelings about the best time to be in a wedding. They all have their benefits... and downsides. Of course, bridesmaids don't get to pick the hour, but at least you can be prepared before headed to the wedding. (Word of warning- the latest wedding I've been in was at 4:30pm, so that's where I stop offering suggestions). Please note- I understand that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you're giving up your day to celebrate with the bride and groom.

The Morning Wedding:
Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (and if the photographer is happy, the bridesmaids get better looking pictures)
• You should have time to do things after the wedding is over, because the reception won't last until the wee hours (seriously- what bride and groom would want to pay for a 12 hour reception?)
• Less formal.

Cons:

• Do you have any idea how early you have to wake up for a morning wedding? I had to wake the bride up at 4:30am for her 10:30am wedding, since her hairdresser was arriving at 5:30am. One of the photographers got a great picture of me at the hotel after I finished getting ready around 7am... but I don't remember it being taken (AT ALL).
• Being tired makes getting ready that much more difficult. Curling irons and 6am don't mix folks. Neither does mascara. Seriously- morning weddings= early wake-up times.

Recommendations:

• Get an early night's sleep for this one. And if you have insomnia issues like I do, take an Advil PM or something like that.
• Drink caffeine that morning.

The Early Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• You might be lucky enough to sleep in a bit more. Or not, if you have an 8am appointment with a hairdresser.
• You have more time to wake up.

Cons:

• You're spending all day with this wedding, or else the reception is incredibly short (early afternoon makes for awkward reception times). Go ahead and prepare yourself. (My one early afternoon wedding lasted from 8am- 11pm).

Recommendations:

• Be ready to smile all day.

The Late Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (depending on the season)
• You might have time to do stuff that morning, depending on the bride's schedule.
• More formal (less formal/ more formal of course being on what your preference is)
• You probably won't have to be up at the crack of dawn for this wedding. Unless you're friends with Bridezilla (I've been lucky).

Cons:

• You're going to spend most of the day with this wedding, unless the reception is incredibly short.

Recommendations:

• Although you probably get to sleep in some, still make sure you get a good night's rest. It could be a long night.

Believe it or not, for all my cons about the early morning, I think I liked the morning wedding the best. Less time to stress out over things (there's always time to stress over certain details), and there's time to take a nap after the reception before doing other things that night.

On being a professional bridesmaid

I should start off this post by pointing out that I know there are people who have been in more weddings than I have, and that I probably still have a few weddings before my tenure as "professional bridesmaid" is up. That being said...

I've jokingly referred to myself as a professional bridesmaid, but at wedding #5, after a guest/ close friend of the bride's family found out that it was my 5th wedding, she and others started referring to me as such. When it came time to do anything, "Where's the professional bridesmaid? She knows what to do." This wedding is when I realized that with that title, you've got to be prepared for ANYTHING.

What it takes to be a "professional bridesmaid" (even The Knot couldn't prepare me for this):

• You've got the essentials: Advil, bandaids, lotion, needle & thread
• You know what to do in a crisis (i.e., the bride doesn't have "something blue," and you figure out that you have straps that you aren't using on your blue dress with you, which can be safety pinned to the inside of her dress)
• You know to get caffeine before the wedding (Sonic happy hour in this particular instance)
• You know how to paint nails, and manage to get the other bridesmaids and yourself in record time
• You know how to zip the bride into the dress, if it requires specific maneuvering/ bride not breathing while it's being zipped
• The minister goes to you while the bride & groom are taking group pictures, because things were left behind
• You know how to bustle the dress, without requiring safety pins to show you where the loops are
• The catering staff comes to you at the reception to ask if you managed to figure out how to get music to play, since you'd already been by to bug them when they didn't have the hookup like had been promised by someone else
• You can come up with a reception playlist on the day of the rehearsal, when other reception options fall through
• When there's an undesirable bridesmaid job, you get pushed to do it (unless you figure out an alternative)

Makes me wonder why I didn't go into wedding planning as a career choice. Maybe I should start my own business... "Rent a Bridesmaid." I'll be there with Advil, lotion, drinks, and get everyone down the aisle and into the reception with everything ready to go.

Tales of a Perpetual Bridesmaid

I am about to be in my 6th wedding in a few months. We have to go WAYYYYY back to 1992 for my first, when I was flower girl in my uncle's wedding. And then I served punch at my cousin's wedding (I got a corsage, so it counts for something) in 1998. Then I was a bridesmaid in 2009, then was maid of honor and bridesmaid in two weddings in 2010, and now maid of honor again in 2011. And to top it all off, in the weddings I was bridesmaid/ MOH, 3 of the 4 dresses have been pink.
That being said, I've learned a lot from these weddings. And I figured I'd share some of what I've learned, since it's taken me this long to figure out what roles I'm supposed to be doing and when! Please feel free to comment along the way.