Fall Wedding Season Has Arrived!

It's been awhile, and I've not yet completed my bridesmaid swag challenge. Maybe this weekend? We shall see.

Right now, I'm busy preparing for 3 weddings in 4 weeks. Thankfully, two are in town, and the third and final wedding is out of town by several hours. This first wedding, I was almost drafted into the wedding party as a 27 Dresses rule (thanks to the brilliant @27messes for this brilliant commentary on the bridesmaid draft). The second wedding is the wedding of a fellow bridesmaid, who has chosen a former bride to be her bridesmaid, and this bridesmaid is crashing with me for the weekend. As I am her driver for the weekend, I've been invited to all the events (oh yeah- I'm also the rehearsal photographer this time around), so I'll get to see what it's like to be a bridesmaid without actually purchasing a dress or having any real responsibilities. And the third wedding? Absolutely no responsibilities but celebrating in New Orleans. I think I can handle that.

By the way- if you have a Pinterest account, look for me! I've got boards about the dresses I can't imagine ever having to wear, the dresses I'd love to wear, some great wedding hair ideas, and more!

The Bridesmaid Swag Challenge

Bridesmaids frequently get awesome swag (no joke- brides have been awesome to me, and other bridesmaids too). And now I want to find a way to use it all.

This past weekend, I went on a trip... and quickly realized how many bridesmaid goodies I was using. My bag for the weekend was from wedding #4 (I was in a brown mood. If I'd been in a pink mood, I could have brought the bag from wedding #3). I was also using my wonderfully smelling wedding #4 lotion (purchased because it was pink). My earrings? Wedding #5. Bag that I use to carry hair stuff? Wedding #4.

If I'd tried harder, I totally could have worked in all 5 weddings. Which brings me to my challenge. Work in all 5 weddings. But I'm trying to figure out when to do it. My options:

• The next wedding I attend
• The next time I travel
• Random day that requires dressing up

Will I succeed? Stay tuned to my Twitter feed.

That one time you can't show up to a wedding single...

Not long ago, I wrote an entry for bridesmaiding.com about being a single bridesmaid and why it's ok to not have a date at weddings, and it got posted last week. And then yesterday rolled around, and I found myself laughing/ stressing as I got put in a situation where I desperately need a date for a wedding I'm attending in about a month. I would argue though, that if I were a bridesmaid, I wouldn't feel the desperate need for a date as badly, as bridesmaid duties would keep me out of a lot of awkwardness.

Before yesterday, I probably would have argued about what entails requiring a date to a wedding if you haven't been seriously dating someone for a decent amount of time (weddings are awkward, folks. Spare the person you're dating from awkwardness early in the relationship). Naturally, I'm not even seeing anyone, regardless of how long. But here's the dealio: my invite didn't say "and guest," so I chose to not worry about needing one. Then the groom (one of my closest friends) informed me that he and the bride wanted to let me know that I was welcome to bring a friend or date along to the wedding because they didn't invite many people that I knew, and realized that they hadn't included a +1 option. Then he informed me that of the 4 people I'll know other than himself and the bride, two are bridesmaids, and two are... well... I'm refraining from calling these two males terrible names after they tried to "play" me. This requires great restraint, FYI.

So that typical wedding awkwardness that I talked about in my Bridesmaiding post? Yeah- multiply that by 1000 kinds of crazy, and you've got how I feel (and it's not even the day of the wedding yet. We've still got a month to go). And for some reason, the only answer is to drag someone into the crazy who at least has some knowledge of what they are getting into. Oh sure, I could bring along a girl friend, but that's only going to lead to other awkwardness. And then I remembered- I had introduced someone to part of the crazy recently. So I texted him with the situation (160 characters wasn't enough to explain this kind of crazy, so I'm proud that I managed in about 185-190), and begged "Want to help me through a whole lot of awkwardness?"

It also helps that the wedding is at our alma mater, and he's met the bride and groom, and has met at least one of the two likely to make me want to leave before I arrive.

Now I just need a kick-ass dress, make-up, shoes, and hair and a self-confidence boost, and I'll be all ready. I've got 3 weddings to attend in the course of one month, and this one kicks it off. Please let the other 2 weddings run smoother!

Wedding Tales & Horrors, Pt. 3

Well, I'd promised to share my story about why bachelorette parties and I don't have good track records. There was that time that I wrecked my car... and then this wedding happened.

See, I was the maid of honor. And it was my duty to plan this bachelorette party. I'd offered to rent a cabin, but as the bride lived way far away, planning a good time just wasn't going to work. That and the fact that I was a poor grad student who was going to have to beg for money to pay for that (or even my share of it). Anyways, the bride and I started to plan the party to be about going out for a nice dinner with friends and then getting a hotel suite to celebrate her impending wedding... the Wednesday night before her wedding. And then I graduated less than a month before the wedding, and miraculously got a job interview. Of course... there's a catch. The interview dates fell on Thursday or Friday, with the wedding happening on Saturday, and the interview was 3 hours away. But I was lucky! I'd previously worked for this organization and was able to explain my situation (and explained nicely that the bride would kill me if I missed the rehearsal on Friday). They kindly offered me the 8:30 am interview slot on Thursday, so that I could still fulfill my bridesmaid duties. I explained this to the bride, and we finally worked out a deal to go out Thursday night instead, and skip the hotel (after a brief moment where there was a suggestion for me to leave for my interview at 4am after partying the night before- then everyone realized what a terrible idea that might be).

And then the week of the wedding happened. And the meteorologists decided to have fun predicting bad weather (snow- in an area that doesn't know how to handle snow). So much so that the organization I was interviewing with asked if I felt safe enough to drive, since they knew I was coming from 3 hours away.

Me: "Sure! I'll be borrowing my dad's all-wheel drive, and I'm crashing with my old roommate the night before, so it's not a big deal."

Work: "Well, ok. We feel better knowing that you have the first interview anyways."

Made it to the interview and out with no weather issues. Make it to my old roommate's house to change out of interview clothes, still no weather issues. I don't even make it to the end of her street, and the snow starts coming down. No big deal, it's not sticking. We're going to be fine. Make it halfway home, and it starts to stick. Hmm. And I'm starting to feel TERRIBLE. Well, this is going to be a fun drive.

I make it to my hometown, and it's clearly just beginning to stick there. And on the radio, they announce that school is being cancelled for the rest of the afternoon.

Folks, my town doesn't do snow plows. Nor do they do much salt. See- I live in the South... and it's hilly around here. What do we know about snow? And how do you get a plow up some of these hills?

I make it home just fine, and then I look out the window and it's covering the roads. People attending the bachelorette party start calling me, asking what the plan is. Hmm. Well... maybe it will stop snowing soon enough.

I don't know if you've ever noticed, but when you don't want it to snow, it snows enough to ruin plans. When you pray for the snow, it doesn't happen, or hits the town next to you but skips your town. Naturally, it continued to snow, and after hearing reports of people's commutes taking 2-3x the normal amount, and the bride wants to go downtown to eat (20-30 minutes on a good day), there starts to be even more hesitation to continue with the party from the guests (the bride, understandably, wants the party to go on). One bridesmaid calls me, tells me her horrific account of her commute home, and says that there's no way she can make it back out. And if we go out, for us to be safe.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I started feeling terrible on my drive home from my interview, and at this point, I didn't feel much better. And with all the hassle of the weather, I was really uneasy about going out. When the meteorologists beg for people to get home and stay home, I listen. And that's exactly what they were telling us.

I was supposed to drive and be the DD for the evening (MOH duties, when you don't want to pay for limo/ taxi)... but then I couldn't even get out of my own driveway safely. And let's just remember the time before, when I had a car wreck due to bad weather for a different bachelorette party. So the bride's father gets roped into driving for the evening, and they offer to pick me up. And they can't even make it to my neighborhood. So the suggestion is made that I walk out of my neighborhood to meet them (about 1/3-1/2 of a mile, all downhill). But then I point out that it's going to be worse upon return, and there's no way I can climb uphill if it's worse. So the bride suggests that I spend the night at her parents' house. Ok, that works... but now I have to bring everything I need for an overnight, and we're getting nails done and have the bridesmaid luncheon before I can return home again. And I have to bring this all downhill on icy, snowy streets? I could see the broken leg, and I had TERRIBLE health insurance (I refer to it as my "got hit by a bus and it was my fault" insurance), and that just makes you cringe even more. I apologized profusely, but had to back out of the bachelorette party I had planned. And then I felt relieved, because it gave me a night to feel better, before the rehearsal and wedding. And relax, after having been through a job interview that morning!

It was a comedy of errors the whole way through. Only 4 or 5 people were able to show up to the bachelorette party, sadly enough. And the restaurant closed early, due to the weather. The bride did have fun, thankfully, and enjoyed the snowy backdrop for her wedding two days later.

The lesson: Job searching and bridesmaid duties don't mesh well. Neither does weather and bridesmaid duties. I've got no solutions though.

A Letter to Bridal Stores & Treatment of Bridesmaids

Dear Bridal Stores & Your Consultants,

Bridesmaids are people too. People with legitimate feelings towards what they are about to purchase. Is it going to be the bride's day? Sure. However, don't treat us like we are terrible human beings if we choose to make comments about dresses we'd really rather not wear. We aren't (always) trying to be b*tchy about it.

For instance, there was that time I was trying on dresses for a winter wedding. The bride kept picking short, thin dresses. One dress in particular I despised. Just despised. Rather than making a mean comment about how much I hated the dress, I tried other ways of convincing the bride it was the wrong dress. I was making headway with a long dress, when the consultant said "That dress isn't going to keep you any warmer than the other one, and the bride likes it better," with this wonderfully snooty voice. It was all I could do to not fly at her screaming, "If it covers my legs, it at least hides the goosebumps."

Or that time that the bridal consultant yelled my (four sizes smaller than the bride and maid of honor) dress size for the entire store to hear. With 2 of my fellow bridesmaids and bride to hear. You know what brides don't want to be reminded of? That one of their bridesmaids is smaller than they are.

Or that time the alterations person told me that in future weddings, I should suggest to the bride that she choose an "A-line" dress because the one I had purchased and was attempting to get altered was going to cost more in alterations than the dress cost. It was the same store that suggested I not push my luck on a bridesmaid dress just because I wanted a long one because it was winter.

I've been watching "Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids." While I will agree that there are some pretty awful bridesmaids that have been on that show, their treatment of bridesmaids hasn't been spectacular either. Saying "Pay up and shut up," is not appropriate. We get that we probably aren't going to get to pick a dress we want to wear again. But if we are being reasonable (like arguing over going over budget), don't act like we are monsters.

At some point, most of these bridesmaids are probably going to get married themselves. I can already tell you, there's one store I will not be looking at for my future wedding gown, based on their treatment of me as a bridesmaid. If it's possible, they won't even get my bridesmaid's business either.

Sincerely,

An Angry Bridesmaid

EDIT (5/4/2012): I totally forgot about the bridal consultant who mocked my height (or lack thereof)! Consultant: "Well, I guess it's a good thing that you're the one trying on the dresses, since you're going to be the shortest bridesmaid!"
Me: "Actually, I'm not. Another bridesmaid is shorter. I haven't met the other one, so I'm not sure where I rank with her."
Consultant: "YOU'RE KIDDING!"

Bride-Bragging

I've been torn between whether I should brag about this one particular bride, or not share this story in attempts to avoid alienating other friends (and feeling obligated to do these things should the day arrive that I get engaged). Clearly, bragging has won out (but I should point out- I pick my friends well because they were all fantastic as brides). After all... she (and her parents/ friends) did go above and beyond for the bridesmaids, after she had a horrible experience as a bridesmaid a few months before becoming engaged.

Between graduate school, unemployment, and employment with a non-profit organization (oh- and all the other weddings I've been in), money has been tight. And this bride was familiar with my situation (which was similar to her other bridesmaids' situations). Not only did she choose a bridesmaid dress from the same place that she bought her dress (discount folks... discount), but her family also pitched in by sending the bridesmaids checks to alleviate some of the cost of the dress.

After arriving in town for the wedding (where the bride and her mom picked myself and another bridesmaid up at the airport so that we wouldn't have to rent a car/ drive around a very large, unfamiliar city), we immediately got treated to drinks at McDonalds (this was a theme of the weekend). We also enjoyed a concert (one of my favorite groups in the world) & unique-to-the-city experience.

Other ways this bride and her family went above and beyond for the bridesmaids? Hotel, manicures, bridesmaid lunch, all the diet coke a girl could ask for, food/ party after the wedding with their family and friends, and a 5am trip to the airport the day after the wedding. They had also introduced us to friends as they arrived at the hotel before the rehearsal, and since I only knew the bride and another bridesmaid, I asked one of those friends at the reception to hold my drink and MOH speech while I went to bustle the dress. I returned and that wonderful friend had even asked them to refill my drink!

Fellow bridesmaids, understand that this is not typical. This bride had been through such a terrible bridesmaid experience that she wanted us to have a much better time as bridesmaids than as she had previously. But I just had to brag on her, her family, and her friends a bit, because I've never been better treated as a bridesmaid.

That one time I wasn't a bridesmaid, and why I can't work for that wedding consulting firm.

I haven't been in every wedding... or even invited to every wedding... even if it feels like it.

This one particular wedding that I'm thinking of belongs to my freshman roommate. I'm sure most people have at least one bad roommate story... so imagine a really, bad roommate story, multiply it by happening about once a month (if not more), and you've got my living situation. I won't share the bad roommate stories, because that's not the point of the blog, but basically, it was terrible living with her. And then I had a much better roommate (and was invited and IN her wedding).

Freshman roommate got engaged my senior year (thanks Facebook, for making it impossible to get away from her), and then married shortly after we graduated. Thanks to Facebook, I got to see her pictures. And there were several that made my jaw drop. And then caused some very impolite laughter.

That's right. These pictures, no matter how nice photographically, made me crack up. They are awful. The bride had a bridal portrait session that put her in the middle of a daisy field with her veil covering her face, and despite this, you can still tell that she has the strangest expression on her face. And by strange, I really mean "pained." The girl looked like she was in pain sitting there, even though I can tell she was really trying to look pretty.

Sure, shame on me for laughing at these pictures of her. And really shame on me for showing them to friends to see their reactions (similar to mine). But shame on those photographers for taking those pictures. They are AWFUL of her.

Anyways, it has been well over 2 years since I looked at her pictures. But during one of my brilliant "Hey, what if I looked into becoming a wedding planner?" moments, I discovered that the company I was researching had pictures of her wedding posted on their site... meaning that she must have used them.

Sure- they picked probably the 2 best pictures from the wedding (they are far away shots), but this is the same wedding firm that allowed some really stupid stuff (like the cake topper where the bride is dragging the groom by his jacket, while he's checking email on a computer). So, I guess I'll be looking at contacting other firms if I'm serious about this idea, but I think it's hilarious that her wedding pictures have popped back into my world in an unrelated way.