Bad Bridesmaidery and other Upcoming Horrors

Sorry for the delay in updates... not having been a bridesmaid in a year has really slowed down my thoughts on bridesmaidery!
This post comes after a chat with my cousin, who was providing all the dish about the wedding she's in in July.


Issue 1: You only know the bride in the bridal party.
Issue 2: The other bridesmaids joke about your size while trying on bridesmaid dresses.
Issue 3: The maid of honor (already married) only wants to plan the bachelorette party... and wants it to be out of town... the week before the wedding.
Issue 4: The shower is in 3 weeks, and no invitations have gone out. For 50 people. And it's the bride's only shower. And it's on a holiday weekend.
Issue 5: The shower, that has been poorly planned, also has an unrealistic budget and effort assumption, given the amount of people attending.

There's a lot of problems here. Sure- you can't help not knowing the other members of the bridal party. That's not a big deal. But bridesmaids making fun of another bridesmaid's dress size is just downright despicable (same goes for you, dress shop employees).
Also, a maid of honor who doesn't have the excuse of living out of town (or if the bride lives out of town) really has no right to refuse to plan the shower. It's one of the expectations when you agree to such a thing. ESPECIALLY when you're already married and have been through this before. No excuses.
Planning a shower on a holiday weekend might not be a terrible thing, but people need to have advanced notice that such an event is happening so that they can plan ahead, and hey, what do you know... BUY A GIFT. I've got nothing to give you regarding underbudgeting, other than thinking ahead that if you want certain things (and want them done correctly), you're starting off on a wrong foot by not planning for a bigger budget.
And the bachelorette party? Well, I think I've made it clear that I don't have a good track record with bachelorette parties, so maybe I'm not the best person to talk about this one, but out of town parties can't happen a week before the wedding... that's when wedding stuff is vital. And out of town parties need to also have the understanding that if every bridesmaid can't attend, then that's ok too. Budgets seriously need to be taken into consideration.

I'm looking forward to my cousin sharing more of her bridesmaid stories with me, and I'll pass them along!

UPDATE: What to bring to the wedding

As I learn new things, I'll keep updating this list. I'll bold the latest items, but I'm going to include everything from before so any followers don't have to go searching.

• Dress (really, as long as you remember this, everything else can be purchased in the town of the wedding or borrowed)
• Shoes (If bride is requiring maids to wear the same shoes, prior note is in effect)
• Reception shoes (i.e. flip flops)
• Jewelry (some brides will provide jewelry as a bridesmaid gift, but always have backup in case)
• Tissues (For the bride or you)
• Advil/ Tylenol/ Aleve (I shouldn't have to explain this one)
• Band-aids (important for blisters, random acts of clumsiness, and other accidents)
• Gift (acceptable to give it to the happy couple in advance too!)
• Makeup/ Hair tools (unless having these professionally done)
• Small pack of needle & thread (have white, ivory, and the color of the bridesmaid dress at the very least)
• Something blue that's small, in case the bride forgets (a small blue ribbon with a safety pin is always great to have)
• Gum/ mints for just before you head down the aisle
• Nail clippers (will help cut tags off of dresses, hang nails, broken nails, etc)
• Cotton balls/ q-tips
• Nail polish remover
• Hairspray
• Lotion
• Imodium/ Pepcid (Food poisoning, bridal nerves, rehearsal night indulgence, etc... learned this from a fellow bridesmaid)
• Small hand-sized fan (especially for summer weddings that have anything taking place outside... you know, the cheap ones that are sold at drug stores)

Wedding Shower gift suggestion

So, I was supposed to attend a wedding shower (my first in over a year) today, but winter decided to pick this weekend to magically appear, so it wasn't quite safe to drive 3 hours there, when it's already not the best drive in the world in good conditions. But I digress.

Wedding showers always send me in a tizzy, even when I'm not worrying about weather, and driving there and back, and whatnot. I hate registries. Sorry bride friends, but I do. I never get to them in time to get the decent stuff, so I'm stuck buying the random kitchen or bath stuff that got left behind. So in the past few years, I've stopped dealing with registries.

2 years ago, one of my best friends got married. I was a poor grad student at the time (as opposed to the poor part-time nanny that I am now), and definitely couldn't afford anything good on the registry, especially knowing that I was the maid of honor and was going to have at least one more shower and bachelorette and dress and everything else to pay for. Which led me to this idea... Her wedding theme was "Live, Laugh, Love." And she loves the beach. So on my summer beach trip, I wrote out the theme, the wedding date, and the bride and groom's names in the sand and took pictures of each. Then I bought a 5 picture frame from IKEA (aka- cheap and chic) and printed the pictures. Surprise! It was the HIT of the shower, and most original gift by far. I think it cost me $25 max.

This time around, I'm serving as the photographer. I picked my favorite images, and bought them a similar IKEA frame. (I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that she doesn't know about this blog, since it could be several weeks before I get the present to her).

Not great with photography? Get them a gift card to Shutterfly, Snapfish, etc, to go with a nice frame. That way, they can pick out their favorites.

Stuff Brides Say

It's been awhile. For this, I apologize! Between the holidays, two deaths in my family the week of Christmas, and life in general, I haven't wanted to think about weddings (and since I'm not currently with any bridesmaid responsibilities, I'm going to allow myself that break).

There's this video on YouTube that I saw that inspired me though:

In the video (a recap in case you didn't watch, or haven't lately), the bride says multiple times "I just wanted you to be the first to know!"

Now wait. Hold on. Do what now?

I've been asked to be in five weddings, and maid of honor for three. In two of those cases, I knew that the groom was proposing before the bride knew (though only one of those did I know the actual day that the proposal was happening). Do you know how many times I heard "I just wanted you to be the first to know!"?

Zero. Zero times.

In fact, none of the brides called me (at least not as the first form of communication). I got 3 text messages (pretty sure they were mass texts too), one in person, and one, I found out on Facebook.

Do you know who was probably the first person to get the phone calls? Their parents. And you know what? That's how it should be. I'd probably think less of my friends if I was their first call.

Now that that little soapbox is out of the way... the rest of the video is hilarious. And not really like any of the brides I knew. I'll consider myself lucky, I guess!

If I were to make a "Stuff Brides Say" based on my experiences...

"You can wear that dress again." (oh that's right.)

"I like this dress for you. No... wait. This one. That's really the one. Or..."

"I'm not a bridezilla."

[morning of the wedding] "I just want this day to be over with."

"The wedding is more about the guests than me."

Anyone got any brideisms that aren't in the video or on my list?

"Special People" and wedding snobbiness shines through

It's been a long time since my last post. Let's be fair... the last time I was a bridesmaid was 7 months ago though, so it's only natural to have posts slow down, right? At the very least, future posts will likely turn into wedding tips, whether for brides/ grooms, bridal party, or guests. I don't foresee any bridesmaid invites coming for a little while, so keeping it strictly to bridesmaids may require posts to take FOREVER inbetween.

On that note... a real post. I'm gearing up for my second "special person" duty in March (aka, photographer and anything else needed). That's right... I've turned my bridesmaid experiences into something somewhat constructive, and it saves me from buying a present, and saves the bride and groom for paying for a photographer (hey- they know I'm an amateur, so it's totally fair, right?)

Although, I'm pretty sure there's more pressure on being the photographer than being a bridesmaid. I'm not going to lie... being a bridesmaid is not easy-peasy. But to know that they are going to use these pictures to remember their day for a long time, as are their family members? Well... it's a bit stressful. I'm already picturing bad weather, dead batteries, missing the perfect shot, etc. (though thinking about it, my fears while being a bridesmaid were forgetting the dress, dress tearing, tripping, dropping my or the bride's bouquet, running out of money before the wedding, etc).

In a related note, my younger brother has moved into the world of groomsman duties. Today, his Save the Date postcard arrived, and I was horrified. I don't know what they did to the picture or the card, but I could have done 100000x better with the exact same idea (it looks like the picture was taken with a cell phone, and not the new nice high megapixel cell phone cameras, and the numbers on the front made no sense until you actually saw the back of the card). I guess I've turned into a wedding photography/ wedding invitation snob. I've seen my fair share (10 weddings in 4 years, 5 as bridal party attendant) of save the dates, and while I might laugh at some, this officially ranks as the worst.

Mad Bridesmaid Skills To the Rescue

I haven't been a bridesmaid since... April. For 3 years, I'd had weddings to prepare for... and now... nothing. Well... other than to be wedding photographer in March, but that just doesn't even count.

Which might be why I was so willing to agree to anything that a recent bride asked me to do (which, yes, was mainly photography related, but still- my title in the program was "Special Bride's Attendant," not photographer). And then it happened. Quite possibly every bride and groom's worst nightmare, short of someone taking the "Speak now or forever hold your peace" line seriously.

This particular bride and groom found out during picture taking time (you know, between the ceremony and reception?) that their flight from home connecting them to their honeymoon was canceled, and since they were going on a cruise that next day, that was a VITAL flight for them to catch.

But wait... it hasn't gotten bad enough yet.

They got pushed onto a later flight that should still have gotten them to their honeymoon on time. And disaster struck again. While in the air, the pilot (or whoever) discovered that something was wrong with the plane mechanically and they had to turn around and return here to get it fixed. So, they ran into the bridesmaid that I'd chauffeured around all weekend, including having just dropped her off at the airport. That bridesmaid texted me to tell me of their continued troubles with flights, and I did what any good bridesmaid (regardless of if I was a bridesmaid this time around or not) would do... I found an expert. I told my mom what the trouble was with their flights, and she immediately pulls out her computer and finds them a flight that will get them to their destination in what we hope will be enough time for them to get on the cruise. And here comes the other important bridesmaid skills... recalling how attached to her phone the bride was the day before. OF COURSE she'll have it on and attached to her. And luckily I had her number to text her this information.

Unfortunately, since this new flight wasn't with their same airline, they had to pay for it out of pocket (I'm still holding out hope they could get their previous money back since they had 2 flights canceled), but they not only made it to the destination on time, but actually 20 minutes early!! And caught their bus from the airport to the port in time and had, what I assume to be, an excellent time on their cruise.

(I should also point out that several other people had been calling the cruise line and others to explain the situation, to see what options there were, so I wasn't the only person helping out here.)

Sometimes having mad bridesmaid skills isn't about standing beside a bride on her wedding day, or even doing all of this by yourself, but knowing who to ask and how to get the information to the people who need it. And that, folks, is what a true bridesmaid does, even when she's not a bridesmaid.

That Awkward Moment When You Don't Know Anyone At A Wedding

I now see the true benefit of having a date to a wedding... when you aren't a bridesmaid. I still maintain that bridesmaids don't HAVE to bring a date just for fun (multiple people agree with me on this one now).

Yesterday, I had the fun of attending a wedding of a college friend (and fellow bridesmaid in a previous wedding- the bride from that wedding was a bridesmaid this time around). And short of the bridesmaid and the bride, I knew NO ONE. Luckily, I'd been invited to all the pre-wedding events, and was briefly introduced to the fiancé of another bridesmaid. When chauffeuring my bridesmaid friend to get her hair done, we started discussing cocktail hour... and how I wouldn't know anyone. Luckily, I remembered that the fiancé of the one bridesmaid would also be in the same situation... and we'd likely be the only ones in that situation. So I told my friend that I'd just go search for him and try to hang out with him during that time.

It worked! I walked over to him, introduced myself, and explained the situation. He chuckled, and we started talking. Turns out, this whole terrible job economy is a great topic for a current grad student/ recent grad school graduate still struggling to find *real* jobs. Who'd have thunk it? His fiancée came running down at one point of the cocktail hour to get the bride some food, and was really glad that I'd come over to talk with him.

I lucked out (well, I think it's lucking out in this situation), and there wasn't a seating chart for the reception, so we found the only open table and saved seats for my friend the bridesmaid and his fiancée, while continuing to chat.

So my tip to you if you're going single (or just plain aren't given a plus one) to a wedding that you aren't in and only know the happy couple and members of the bridal party? Hunt down people in similar situations as you. It works. Trust me.

(coming soon- when mad bridesmaid skills save the day)

Single Ladies, Bridesmaid Swag, and One Wedding Down

One wedding down... two to go! I absolutely had to share this clip from this past weekend's wedding. I regret not getting it all filmed, but the bride made me dance (and you don't say no to the bride on her wedding day, right?) I missed the part where two of the band members jumped off the stage and started doing the "Single Ladies" dance. It was as spectacular as you can imagine. (PS- this is the band Pistol Creek).

Also, I thought I was successful in my Bridesmaid Swag challenge this weekend. I had the purse from wedding 1, the bracelet from wedding 2, the hand sanitizer from wedding 3, wearing lotion from wedding 4, and the necklace from wedding 5. Only, then I got home and realized that I'd grabbed the hand sanitizer from wedding 4, not wedding 5 (both are pink and from Bath & Body Works). I think it still should count though, right?

Fall Wedding Season Has Arrived!

It's been awhile, and I've not yet completed my bridesmaid swag challenge. Maybe this weekend? We shall see.

Right now, I'm busy preparing for 3 weddings in 4 weeks. Thankfully, two are in town, and the third and final wedding is out of town by several hours. This first wedding, I was almost drafted into the wedding party as a 27 Dresses rule (thanks to the brilliant @27messes for this brilliant commentary on the bridesmaid draft). The second wedding is the wedding of a fellow bridesmaid, who has chosen a former bride to be her bridesmaid, and this bridesmaid is crashing with me for the weekend. As I am her driver for the weekend, I've been invited to all the events (oh yeah- I'm also the rehearsal photographer this time around), so I'll get to see what it's like to be a bridesmaid without actually purchasing a dress or having any real responsibilities. And the third wedding? Absolutely no responsibilities but celebrating in New Orleans. I think I can handle that.

By the way- if you have a Pinterest account, look for me! I've got boards about the dresses I can't imagine ever having to wear, the dresses I'd love to wear, some great wedding hair ideas, and more!

The Bridesmaid Swag Challenge

Bridesmaids frequently get awesome swag (no joke- brides have been awesome to me, and other bridesmaids too). And now I want to find a way to use it all.

This past weekend, I went on a trip... and quickly realized how many bridesmaid goodies I was using. My bag for the weekend was from wedding #4 (I was in a brown mood. If I'd been in a pink mood, I could have brought the bag from wedding #3). I was also using my wonderfully smelling wedding #4 lotion (purchased because it was pink). My earrings? Wedding #5. Bag that I use to carry hair stuff? Wedding #4.

If I'd tried harder, I totally could have worked in all 5 weddings. Which brings me to my challenge. Work in all 5 weddings. But I'm trying to figure out when to do it. My options:

• The next wedding I attend
• The next time I travel
• Random day that requires dressing up

Will I succeed? Stay tuned to my Twitter feed.

That one time you can't show up to a wedding single...

Not long ago, I wrote an entry for bridesmaiding.com about being a single bridesmaid and why it's ok to not have a date at weddings, and it got posted last week. And then yesterday rolled around, and I found myself laughing/ stressing as I got put in a situation where I desperately need a date for a wedding I'm attending in about a month. I would argue though, that if I were a bridesmaid, I wouldn't feel the desperate need for a date as badly, as bridesmaid duties would keep me out of a lot of awkwardness.

Before yesterday, I probably would have argued about what entails requiring a date to a wedding if you haven't been seriously dating someone for a decent amount of time (weddings are awkward, folks. Spare the person you're dating from awkwardness early in the relationship). Naturally, I'm not even seeing anyone, regardless of how long. But here's the dealio: my invite didn't say "and guest," so I chose to not worry about needing one. Then the groom (one of my closest friends) informed me that he and the bride wanted to let me know that I was welcome to bring a friend or date along to the wedding because they didn't invite many people that I knew, and realized that they hadn't included a +1 option. Then he informed me that of the 4 people I'll know other than himself and the bride, two are bridesmaids, and two are... well... I'm refraining from calling these two males terrible names after they tried to "play" me. This requires great restraint, FYI.

So that typical wedding awkwardness that I talked about in my Bridesmaiding post? Yeah- multiply that by 1000 kinds of crazy, and you've got how I feel (and it's not even the day of the wedding yet. We've still got a month to go). And for some reason, the only answer is to drag someone into the crazy who at least has some knowledge of what they are getting into. Oh sure, I could bring along a girl friend, but that's only going to lead to other awkwardness. And then I remembered- I had introduced someone to part of the crazy recently. So I texted him with the situation (160 characters wasn't enough to explain this kind of crazy, so I'm proud that I managed in about 185-190), and begged "Want to help me through a whole lot of awkwardness?"

It also helps that the wedding is at our alma mater, and he's met the bride and groom, and has met at least one of the two likely to make me want to leave before I arrive.

Now I just need a kick-ass dress, make-up, shoes, and hair and a self-confidence boost, and I'll be all ready. I've got 3 weddings to attend in the course of one month, and this one kicks it off. Please let the other 2 weddings run smoother!

Wedding Tales & Horrors, Pt. 3

Well, I'd promised to share my story about why bachelorette parties and I don't have good track records. There was that time that I wrecked my car... and then this wedding happened.

See, I was the maid of honor. And it was my duty to plan this bachelorette party. I'd offered to rent a cabin, but as the bride lived way far away, planning a good time just wasn't going to work. That and the fact that I was a poor grad student who was going to have to beg for money to pay for that (or even my share of it). Anyways, the bride and I started to plan the party to be about going out for a nice dinner with friends and then getting a hotel suite to celebrate her impending wedding... the Wednesday night before her wedding. And then I graduated less than a month before the wedding, and miraculously got a job interview. Of course... there's a catch. The interview dates fell on Thursday or Friday, with the wedding happening on Saturday, and the interview was 3 hours away. But I was lucky! I'd previously worked for this organization and was able to explain my situation (and explained nicely that the bride would kill me if I missed the rehearsal on Friday). They kindly offered me the 8:30 am interview slot on Thursday, so that I could still fulfill my bridesmaid duties. I explained this to the bride, and we finally worked out a deal to go out Thursday night instead, and skip the hotel (after a brief moment where there was a suggestion for me to leave for my interview at 4am after partying the night before- then everyone realized what a terrible idea that might be).

And then the week of the wedding happened. And the meteorologists decided to have fun predicting bad weather (snow- in an area that doesn't know how to handle snow). So much so that the organization I was interviewing with asked if I felt safe enough to drive, since they knew I was coming from 3 hours away.

Me: "Sure! I'll be borrowing my dad's all-wheel drive, and I'm crashing with my old roommate the night before, so it's not a big deal."

Work: "Well, ok. We feel better knowing that you have the first interview anyways."

Made it to the interview and out with no weather issues. Make it to my old roommate's house to change out of interview clothes, still no weather issues. I don't even make it to the end of her street, and the snow starts coming down. No big deal, it's not sticking. We're going to be fine. Make it halfway home, and it starts to stick. Hmm. And I'm starting to feel TERRIBLE. Well, this is going to be a fun drive.

I make it to my hometown, and it's clearly just beginning to stick there. And on the radio, they announce that school is being cancelled for the rest of the afternoon.

Folks, my town doesn't do snow plows. Nor do they do much salt. See- I live in the South... and it's hilly around here. What do we know about snow? And how do you get a plow up some of these hills?

I make it home just fine, and then I look out the window and it's covering the roads. People attending the bachelorette party start calling me, asking what the plan is. Hmm. Well... maybe it will stop snowing soon enough.

I don't know if you've ever noticed, but when you don't want it to snow, it snows enough to ruin plans. When you pray for the snow, it doesn't happen, or hits the town next to you but skips your town. Naturally, it continued to snow, and after hearing reports of people's commutes taking 2-3x the normal amount, and the bride wants to go downtown to eat (20-30 minutes on a good day), there starts to be even more hesitation to continue with the party from the guests (the bride, understandably, wants the party to go on). One bridesmaid calls me, tells me her horrific account of her commute home, and says that there's no way she can make it back out. And if we go out, for us to be safe.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I started feeling terrible on my drive home from my interview, and at this point, I didn't feel much better. And with all the hassle of the weather, I was really uneasy about going out. When the meteorologists beg for people to get home and stay home, I listen. And that's exactly what they were telling us.

I was supposed to drive and be the DD for the evening (MOH duties, when you don't want to pay for limo/ taxi)... but then I couldn't even get out of my own driveway safely. And let's just remember the time before, when I had a car wreck due to bad weather for a different bachelorette party. So the bride's father gets roped into driving for the evening, and they offer to pick me up. And they can't even make it to my neighborhood. So the suggestion is made that I walk out of my neighborhood to meet them (about 1/3-1/2 of a mile, all downhill). But then I point out that it's going to be worse upon return, and there's no way I can climb uphill if it's worse. So the bride suggests that I spend the night at her parents' house. Ok, that works... but now I have to bring everything I need for an overnight, and we're getting nails done and have the bridesmaid luncheon before I can return home again. And I have to bring this all downhill on icy, snowy streets? I could see the broken leg, and I had TERRIBLE health insurance (I refer to it as my "got hit by a bus and it was my fault" insurance), and that just makes you cringe even more. I apologized profusely, but had to back out of the bachelorette party I had planned. And then I felt relieved, because it gave me a night to feel better, before the rehearsal and wedding. And relax, after having been through a job interview that morning!

It was a comedy of errors the whole way through. Only 4 or 5 people were able to show up to the bachelorette party, sadly enough. And the restaurant closed early, due to the weather. The bride did have fun, thankfully, and enjoyed the snowy backdrop for her wedding two days later.

The lesson: Job searching and bridesmaid duties don't mesh well. Neither does weather and bridesmaid duties. I've got no solutions though.

A Letter to Bridal Stores & Treatment of Bridesmaids

Dear Bridal Stores & Your Consultants,

Bridesmaids are people too. People with legitimate feelings towards what they are about to purchase. Is it going to be the bride's day? Sure. However, don't treat us like we are terrible human beings if we choose to make comments about dresses we'd really rather not wear. We aren't (always) trying to be b*tchy about it.

For instance, there was that time I was trying on dresses for a winter wedding. The bride kept picking short, thin dresses. One dress in particular I despised. Just despised. Rather than making a mean comment about how much I hated the dress, I tried other ways of convincing the bride it was the wrong dress. I was making headway with a long dress, when the consultant said "That dress isn't going to keep you any warmer than the other one, and the bride likes it better," with this wonderfully snooty voice. It was all I could do to not fly at her screaming, "If it covers my legs, it at least hides the goosebumps."

Or that time that the bridal consultant yelled my (four sizes smaller than the bride and maid of honor) dress size for the entire store to hear. With 2 of my fellow bridesmaids and bride to hear. You know what brides don't want to be reminded of? That one of their bridesmaids is smaller than they are.

Or that time the alterations person told me that in future weddings, I should suggest to the bride that she choose an "A-line" dress because the one I had purchased and was attempting to get altered was going to cost more in alterations than the dress cost. It was the same store that suggested I not push my luck on a bridesmaid dress just because I wanted a long one because it was winter.

I've been watching "Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids." While I will agree that there are some pretty awful bridesmaids that have been on that show, their treatment of bridesmaids hasn't been spectacular either. Saying "Pay up and shut up," is not appropriate. We get that we probably aren't going to get to pick a dress we want to wear again. But if we are being reasonable (like arguing over going over budget), don't act like we are monsters.

At some point, most of these bridesmaids are probably going to get married themselves. I can already tell you, there's one store I will not be looking at for my future wedding gown, based on their treatment of me as a bridesmaid. If it's possible, they won't even get my bridesmaid's business either.

Sincerely,

An Angry Bridesmaid

EDIT (5/4/2012): I totally forgot about the bridal consultant who mocked my height (or lack thereof)! Consultant: "Well, I guess it's a good thing that you're the one trying on the dresses, since you're going to be the shortest bridesmaid!"
Me: "Actually, I'm not. Another bridesmaid is shorter. I haven't met the other one, so I'm not sure where I rank with her."
Consultant: "YOU'RE KIDDING!"

Bride-Bragging

I've been torn between whether I should brag about this one particular bride, or not share this story in attempts to avoid alienating other friends (and feeling obligated to do these things should the day arrive that I get engaged). Clearly, bragging has won out (but I should point out- I pick my friends well because they were all fantastic as brides). After all... she (and her parents/ friends) did go above and beyond for the bridesmaids, after she had a horrible experience as a bridesmaid a few months before becoming engaged.

Between graduate school, unemployment, and employment with a non-profit organization (oh- and all the other weddings I've been in), money has been tight. And this bride was familiar with my situation (which was similar to her other bridesmaids' situations). Not only did she choose a bridesmaid dress from the same place that she bought her dress (discount folks... discount), but her family also pitched in by sending the bridesmaids checks to alleviate some of the cost of the dress.

After arriving in town for the wedding (where the bride and her mom picked myself and another bridesmaid up at the airport so that we wouldn't have to rent a car/ drive around a very large, unfamiliar city), we immediately got treated to drinks at McDonalds (this was a theme of the weekend). We also enjoyed a concert (one of my favorite groups in the world) & unique-to-the-city experience.

Other ways this bride and her family went above and beyond for the bridesmaids? Hotel, manicures, bridesmaid lunch, all the diet coke a girl could ask for, food/ party after the wedding with their family and friends, and a 5am trip to the airport the day after the wedding. They had also introduced us to friends as they arrived at the hotel before the rehearsal, and since I only knew the bride and another bridesmaid, I asked one of those friends at the reception to hold my drink and MOH speech while I went to bustle the dress. I returned and that wonderful friend had even asked them to refill my drink!

Fellow bridesmaids, understand that this is not typical. This bride had been through such a terrible bridesmaid experience that she wanted us to have a much better time as bridesmaids than as she had previously. But I just had to brag on her, her family, and her friends a bit, because I've never been better treated as a bridesmaid.

That one time I wasn't a bridesmaid, and why I can't work for that wedding consulting firm.

I haven't been in every wedding... or even invited to every wedding... even if it feels like it.

This one particular wedding that I'm thinking of belongs to my freshman roommate. I'm sure most people have at least one bad roommate story... so imagine a really, bad roommate story, multiply it by happening about once a month (if not more), and you've got my living situation. I won't share the bad roommate stories, because that's not the point of the blog, but basically, it was terrible living with her. And then I had a much better roommate (and was invited and IN her wedding).

Freshman roommate got engaged my senior year (thanks Facebook, for making it impossible to get away from her), and then married shortly after we graduated. Thanks to Facebook, I got to see her pictures. And there were several that made my jaw drop. And then caused some very impolite laughter.

That's right. These pictures, no matter how nice photographically, made me crack up. They are awful. The bride had a bridal portrait session that put her in the middle of a daisy field with her veil covering her face, and despite this, you can still tell that she has the strangest expression on her face. And by strange, I really mean "pained." The girl looked like she was in pain sitting there, even though I can tell she was really trying to look pretty.

Sure, shame on me for laughing at these pictures of her. And really shame on me for showing them to friends to see their reactions (similar to mine). But shame on those photographers for taking those pictures. They are AWFUL of her.

Anyways, it has been well over 2 years since I looked at her pictures. But during one of my brilliant "Hey, what if I looked into becoming a wedding planner?" moments, I discovered that the company I was researching had pictures of her wedding posted on their site... meaning that she must have used them.

Sure- they picked probably the 2 best pictures from the wedding (they are far away shots), but this is the same wedding firm that allowed some really stupid stuff (like the cake topper where the bride is dragging the groom by his jacket, while he's checking email on a computer). So, I guess I'll be looking at contacting other firms if I'm serious about this idea, but I think it's hilarious that her wedding pictures have popped back into my world in an unrelated way.

The Ask

After reading other bridesmaid blogs and seeing cookies/ cards for sale for brides-to-be to ask bridesmaids to be in their wedding, it made me think of all the ways I've been asked. Never with baked goods, that's for sure.

These are out of order, as I don't want to embarrass anyone.

• A few days after finding out about one bride's engagement, she called me up on the phone to ask (we lived several hours apart)
• Shortly after her engagement, the bride walked across the hallway (she was my roommate at the time) to ask me.
• She asked me hypothetically. I told her I wouldn't mind being in her wedding, as long as that's the role she wanted me to play (there was another option), so she said she had to think about it. Then when I was helping her with part of the wedding planning, someone asked if I was a bridesmaid and I looked at her funny when she said "Yes." She asked what was wrong, and I decided to let it go. She probably didn't realize that she hadn't officially asked me.
• A few days after finding out about the bride's engagement, she and her fiance showed up at my house to say hi and to ask me (she wanted to do it in person since she wanted me to be the MOH)
• We set a phone date (and rescheduled a few times) after her engagement. She asked, and I had to wait until I had a job, as being a bridesmaid costs money (especially if you have to travel), and I was unemployed. Thank goodness her wedding was a year away, and I officially accepted about 3 months after she asked (I really don't recommend doing this to anyone- I just didn't have much of a choice).

I'm undecided about what's the best option. Clearly it's not always feasible to ask everyone in person, though I do believe it is the nicest way when it is possible (ie- you live in the same town. If not, phone is totally fine).

The Pros & Cons of the Wedding Time

5 weddings as a bridesmaid later, I've got mixed feelings about the best time to be in a wedding. They all have their benefits... and downsides. Of course, bridesmaids don't get to pick the hour, but at least you can be prepared before headed to the wedding. (Word of warning- the latest wedding I've been in was at 4:30pm, so that's where I stop offering suggestions). Please note- I understand that when you agree to be a bridesmaid, you're giving up your day to celebrate with the bride and groom.

The Morning Wedding:
Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (and if the photographer is happy, the bridesmaids get better looking pictures)
• You should have time to do things after the wedding is over, because the reception won't last until the wee hours (seriously- what bride and groom would want to pay for a 12 hour reception?)
• Less formal.

Cons:

• Do you have any idea how early you have to wake up for a morning wedding? I had to wake the bride up at 4:30am for her 10:30am wedding, since her hairdresser was arriving at 5:30am. One of the photographers got a great picture of me at the hotel after I finished getting ready around 7am... but I don't remember it being taken (AT ALL).
• Being tired makes getting ready that much more difficult. Curling irons and 6am don't mix folks. Neither does mascara. Seriously- morning weddings= early wake-up times.

Recommendations:

• Get an early night's sleep for this one. And if you have insomnia issues like I do, take an Advil PM or something like that.
• Drink caffeine that morning.

The Early Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• You might be lucky enough to sleep in a bit more. Or not, if you have an 8am appointment with a hairdresser.
• You have more time to wake up.

Cons:

• You're spending all day with this wedding, or else the reception is incredibly short (early afternoon makes for awkward reception times). Go ahead and prepare yourself. (My one early afternoon wedding lasted from 8am- 11pm).

Recommendations:

• Be ready to smile all day.

The Late Afternoon Wedding:

Pros:

• Beautiful light for photographers (depending on the season)
• You might have time to do stuff that morning, depending on the bride's schedule.
• More formal (less formal/ more formal of course being on what your preference is)
• You probably won't have to be up at the crack of dawn for this wedding. Unless you're friends with Bridezilla (I've been lucky).

Cons:

• You're going to spend most of the day with this wedding, unless the reception is incredibly short.

Recommendations:

• Although you probably get to sleep in some, still make sure you get a good night's rest. It could be a long night.

Believe it or not, for all my cons about the early morning, I think I liked the morning wedding the best. Less time to stress out over things (there's always time to stress over certain details), and there's time to take a nap after the reception before doing other things that night.

On being a professional bridesmaid

I should start off this post by pointing out that I know there are people who have been in more weddings than I have, and that I probably still have a few weddings before my tenure as "professional bridesmaid" is up. That being said...

I've jokingly referred to myself as a professional bridesmaid, but at wedding #5, after a guest/ close friend of the bride's family found out that it was my 5th wedding, she and others started referring to me as such. When it came time to do anything, "Where's the professional bridesmaid? She knows what to do." This wedding is when I realized that with that title, you've got to be prepared for ANYTHING.

What it takes to be a "professional bridesmaid" (even The Knot couldn't prepare me for this):

• You've got the essentials: Advil, bandaids, lotion, needle & thread
• You know what to do in a crisis (i.e., the bride doesn't have "something blue," and you figure out that you have straps that you aren't using on your blue dress with you, which can be safety pinned to the inside of her dress)
• You know to get caffeine before the wedding (Sonic happy hour in this particular instance)
• You know how to paint nails, and manage to get the other bridesmaids and yourself in record time
• You know how to zip the bride into the dress, if it requires specific maneuvering/ bride not breathing while it's being zipped
• The minister goes to you while the bride & groom are taking group pictures, because things were left behind
• You know how to bustle the dress, without requiring safety pins to show you where the loops are
• The catering staff comes to you at the reception to ask if you managed to figure out how to get music to play, since you'd already been by to bug them when they didn't have the hookup like had been promised by someone else
• You can come up with a reception playlist on the day of the rehearsal, when other reception options fall through
• When there's an undesirable bridesmaid job, you get pushed to do it (unless you figure out an alternative)

Makes me wonder why I didn't go into wedding planning as a career choice. Maybe I should start my own business... "Rent a Bridesmaid." I'll be there with Advil, lotion, drinks, and get everyone down the aisle and into the reception with everything ready to go.

Wedding Tales & Horrors, Pt. 2

I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. It's been just over a month, and no bridesmaid duties. No dresses to buy or alter, no shoes to break in, no parties to plan, etc. I don't even have any weddings to attend until the end of September (and then I have 3 in a 4 week period)!

So I figured I'd share another bridesmaid story. This particular time, I had a car wreck the day of the bachelorette party (which was 4 days before the wedding), so I missed the party (I don't have good luck with bachelorette parties, but more about that later). My car was so beat up, that the police officer told me that the only reason he was letting me drive it home is because I was less than a mile from my house (and he told me that if I was pulled over for driving such an undriveable car to explain that it had just happened and etc.) Well- after dealing with the insurance company, they strongly suggested waiting until Saturday to get my rental car. And the wedding was on Friday, about 3 hours away.

So, I started to call other bridesmaids to see if I can catch a ride with them, but they had to leave while I was still in class (a 3-week class, and I was already missing the last day of class to be in the wedding). Which left my only option as a ride with a close friend, who was a guest... who had to work during the rehearsal (which was the morning of the wedding). We left as soon as her meetings were over, and I made it to the wedding just in time to get my hair and makeup done. Another bridesmaid had to show me where I was supposed to stand, how to walk in, all that fun stuff that I missed during the rehearsal.

Moral of the story? Don't drive on curvy roads in the rain if you've got something big planned for the weekend, or don't take classes during weddings that you can't afford to miss a day or two. (I still refuse to drive that particular curve in the rain).

Dispelling Bridesmaid Hollywood Myths

I've come to the conclusion that if wedding movies/ TV episodes are to be trusted with the slightest grain of salt (I choose to believe that in order for it to make it to scripts, someone has at least CONSIDERED doing those things before), why on earth would there ever be a bridal party? Brides would be worried about losing a groom (either to a massive bachelor party or to a bridesmaid), 

Let's consider some pretty typical bridesmaid-related myths that are perpetuated in Hollywood.

1. Bridesmaid falls in love with the groom/ is ex-girlfriend of the groom/ has been in love with the groom but best friend caught his eye first. Seriously girls. How does it get to the wedding stage before someone spills the beans that you're in love with the groom? Err... or maybe my friends are just gossips. But seriously- if you like a guy that much, how has no one bothered to tell your friend this? And how on earth is it that the groom magically loves you too, it just took getting to the altar with the wrong person? And if it's vice versa and it's a groomsman who is in love with the bride, well... dude, you probably just waited too long to realize it.
2. Groomsmen (or single male guests) want to hook up with bridesmaids. So, I've now been in MULTIPLE weddings where none of the groomsmen were single. I've even been to one wedding (and it wasn't a small one) where the only single males in attendance were related to me. This one is perpetuated so often that I keep assuming that at some point, with the number of weddings I've been in/ been invited to that I'll meet some nice guy (even if his intentions aren't the best), but so far, nothing. Heck- I couldn't even get the bride's 3-year-old cousin or a friend's 4-year-old to dance with me when I was a maid of honor (but I did run up to the best man and tell him that since I'd been shot down by both of them, that he'd have to dance with me, and it worked). But in my experience, no one cares about meeting bridesmaids, no matter what the intentions are.
3. Bridesmaids are vindictive. Want proof? There's a made for TV movie called Revenge of the Bridesmaids. But that goes back to point number 1. Isn't there a better way to get revenge than buying a dress (which always seems to be hideous in those movies) that you'll never wear again? Can't you dismantle a wedding without being in it? I've not been in a single wedding that someone is vindictive and sets about destroying the wedding from within. Or outside for that matter.
4. One bridesmaid always thinks she should have been Maid of Honor and wants to prove that point. I've been Maid of Honor three times now. If you want that job, take it. I have no problem with giving the position my all (and it's an honor), but if it comes down to someone fighting for the job, let them take it. I shake while giving the speech, one time I forgot to remind the bride to take her flowers at the end of the ceremony, and one time my mom was convinced my dress would split while I was trying to adjust the bride's train. If someone else wants the job, take it. My nerves (and dress seams) will thank you.

Anyone have any other bridesmaid Hollywood myths? Because really, we get the short end of the stick in movies. Either we get no attention paid to us, or we're causing problems. Of course, without either of these, there's no real story to tell, I guess.