The Knot... and why you can't believe everything it says.

While writing my maid of honor speech is still causing me issues, I figured I'd write another blog entry here.

While fretting about my first go as MOH, I turned to The Knot to see what my responsibilities were. After visiting their Bridesmaid site, I realized it was better to just see what the bride needed me to do... which is what I recommend to you all.

First off, The Knot is clearly meant for brides. Yes, this should have been more obvious to me, but I figured that the bridesmaid page would be safe grounds. And they do offer some good advice, don't get me wrong.

But then some of the advice they offer includes 10 Ways To Lend the Bride A Hand. I forgot that I'd seen it, and was tricked into looking at it a few times before I could remember that it was silly. Sure- everything on the list sounds great, but when you're a graduate student with limited funds (even more limited after the purchase of a dress, wedding present, wedding shower present, etc), you realize that the list is a little ridiculous. Especially when you don't live in the same town or state as the bride (as it has happened a majority of the weddings I've been in). You want to know how you can lend a hand to the bride? ASK HER what she wants you to do. Plain and simple. Because the bride will more than likely have an idea of what she wants you to do anyways (and that is not meant as an insult- what girl doesn't have some sort of idea how she wants her wedding to look?)

These responsibilities can include: going with her as she tries on gowns, going with her to try on bridesmaid dresses (at one point, I'm fairly certain I'd tried on every dress at David's Bridal between all the weddings I'd been in), going with the bride to look at flowers, helping with the out-of-town guest goodie bags, working on programs, planning wedding showers/ bachelorette parties, helping with seating arrangements, etc. Not every bride is going to have the same needs.

Which is why I repeat my earlier statement- ask the bride what SHE wants you to do... don't rely on The Knot to tell you your responsibilities.

The MOH Speech

So you've been named Maid of Honor... do you know what your responsibilities entail? (No, I'm being serious. This changes for each bride, so figure out what you are responsible for before the bride gets upset that you aren't helping).
One common requirement for Maid of Honor is the speech/ toast (provided typically at the reception, typically when the Best Man shares a speech as well). The difficult thing is figuring out what to say. I'm currently struggling through writing my second speech, and would really not like to have it put off as long as it took me for my first one.
Now, most MOH speeches are sweet and fluffy, while the best men get to make all the funny jokes/ be a little crazier. This doesn't have to be the case though. My first time being Maid of Honor, the Best Man ended up having the sweet & sentimental speech. My speech, on the other hand, recalled an English assignment from 7th grade (the year I became best friends with the bride), in which half of the grade had to write single's ads and then everyone was given a copy. Yes- I read the bride's 7th grade version of a single's ad to the entire reception, which had everyone laughing.
I got lucky. I save stupid assignments like that. And at 11pm, after attending the rehearsal dinner, I still had NO IDEA what I was going to say to a room full of people that resembled a well-thought-out speech. And then I needed something in my closet and voila, 7th grade assignment fell off of my shelf. It was an 11th hour miracle, for sure.
Not quite so lucky this time around. I want to share something funny like that, but I didn't meet this bride until college. So no silly middle school stories (really, those are the most embarrassing). I could share the moment she compared me to Britney Spears (I think this was before the head-shaving incident, thankfully)... or I could share the moment she was willing to "sacrifice my dignity" for the good of the school. Or daring each other to convince professors to join Facebook. I could share that her fiancé's only worry about our bachelorette trip was that she was going to meet Prince Charming (yeah, we went to Disney). Or I could just talk about Disney in general (a mutual love of ours).
Or, I could share more sentimental moments this time around. If I could only think of any off the top of my head. So many moments of our friendship have been laughing that it's hard to remember anything like that.
The point: the Maid of Honor speech should mean something to you. Make it personal, whether it's funny or sweet. Because she picked you for the position because of your friendship, not to hear something that anyone else could have said.

I've got less than 2 months to figure out what to say... fingers crossed it doesn't take another 11th hour miracle!

Dress Sizes & Alterations

I've got bridesmaid dress on the brain apparently. I took my latest dress to my grandma to hem (she's helped me with 3 of the 4), because, let's be honest. I'm only going to wear this dress once. There's no reason to spend a ridiculous amount of money on alterations when my grandma can do a good job for free.

Besides- how is is fair that bridal stores don't always keep samples in every size? In fact, while purchasing my most recent dress, the smallest size available was 4 sizes larger than the dress I purchased. Only twice have I been able to try on a dress in the proper size in the store.

I got lucky with the first dress- it was cocktail length and had straps, so I didn't really need to worry about alterations. Thank goodness, because the dress didn't even arrive until 2 weeks before the wedding... and I hadn't been able to try on the dress in the correct size at the store. This might end up being the only dress I will wear again... although it's been almost 2 years and I still haven't.

Second dress, not so lucky. Lucky in the fact that I got to try on the right size in the store. Unlucky in that the dress was very fitted and strapless... and I'd gained a few pounds. All of a sudden, the size I was in the wedding before was very very tight. And the next size up would have cost a fortune to alter, with the way the top half was fitted. After losing the weight, and purchasing fake Spanx just to make sure, the dress was still entirely too long. My grandma cut off about 3 inches from the hem, which was then used by the bride's mother to make the bride's garter (her "something blue"). As I can't get into the dress by myself due to hooks, and it can't be washed or dry-cleaned, I don't picture ever wearing this dress again.

Third dress really set me off. It was my third time purchasing from David's Bridal, so you'd think that I'd know what my size was. And yet, with the way this particular dress was made, I ended up having to purchase a dress two sizes larger than I had the previous dresses, and I hadn't even gained weight! And with purchasing a dress two sizes larger just to fit one part of my body, the other part of the dress was two sizes too large. When I picked up my dress, they had me try it on for alterations estimates, and the alterations were going to cost 150% the price of the dress. So, rather than have a fitted dress, I was able to be comfortable and breathe at the wedding. Yet again, my grandma had to cut significant portions of the bottom of the dress off, plus she had to cut off part of the straps to make it fit better. This dress is bright pink satin. I won't be wearing it again.

Fourth dress was short again, so no hemming necessary. This was my first non-David's Bridal dress. Now the issue was the straps again. Currently, the straps stick up an inch off my shoulder, which probably isn't how the dress is supposed to look. So, my grandma is now fixing that part of the dress now. There is a small chance it can be worn again.

What I've learned about bridesmaid dresses: No matter what the bride says, you're probably not going to wear it again. I've come to take it as a joke if they say, "You can just shorten it and wear it again!" Most importantly, it's the bride's day, and if they want me to wear even the most ridiculous dress that day, I'll do it. But, I've learned that it's not worth it to push yourself to fit into a smaller dress (unless it's really your only option, like dress #2). Why work nonstop to fit into a dress you'll wear for a few hours? And, if you have a family member or friend willing to do the alterations, save yourself the money. And that's what I've learned.

Getting the Dress from Point A to Point B

Now onto the real motivation for starting this blog... the Bridesmaid dress. There will be many, many posts dedicated to this issue. However, this is my first time with this particular issue... how do I get my dress to the wedding, if I have to fly there?

Oh sure. It's so easy to be a bridesmaid if it's in the town that you live. Or if you can drive there. But this isn't always an option.

So I did some internet research, which basically led me to the answer, "Well, it depends on the airlines." So, I found the "Contact Us" page on my airline's website, and sent them a note the other day. First off, I have to applaud them, because they answered my question in about 24 hours (it could have taken up to 5 business days).

Unfortunately for me (and my satin bridesmaid dress), they can't hang it for me (like some airlines can... supposedly).

"When you are traveling with your bridesmaids dress as a carryon item, it must be stored in one of the overhead bins. Any time our Customers carry on items (especially items as precious as a bridesmaids dress), we advise them to do so with caution since items may shift while inflight and damage may result (carryon items are excluded from our liability per our Contract of Carriage). If at all possible, you should wait for all Customers to stow their carryon items and then place the dress on top of the other items in the overhead bin compartment. Please also feel free to ask a Flight Attendant for assistance."

So, it's something to keep in mind, fellow bridesmaids. Contact your airlines as soon as possible, or deal with packing it and steaming it. I highly recommend driving, or really pushing for a bridesmaid dress that won't show wrinkles (cue laughter now).

Tales of a Perpetual Bridesmaid

I am about to be in my 6th wedding in a few months. We have to go WAYYYYY back to 1992 for my first, when I was flower girl in my uncle's wedding. And then I served punch at my cousin's wedding (I got a corsage, so it counts for something) in 1998. Then I was a bridesmaid in 2009, then was maid of honor and bridesmaid in two weddings in 2010, and now maid of honor again in 2011. And to top it all off, in the weddings I was bridesmaid/ MOH, 3 of the 4 dresses have been pink.
That being said, I've learned a lot from these weddings. And I figured I'd share some of what I've learned, since it's taken me this long to figure out what roles I'm supposed to be doing and when! Please feel free to comment along the way.